Saturday, October 21, 2017

Just in the Mood for Writing Nonsense

I want to hang out with friends. It has been a long time since I did. Do I have friends? Yes. Of course. Who does not? Those who claim that they do not are just exaggerating. They DO have friends. They just do not feel like "friends". Their depression is just making them feel like they are alone.

Anyways, I want to hang out with my former publication friends. The problem is that we are all far away from each other. We can not reach each other, and that is sad.

It is going to be less than three months until this year ends. I can log in on Facebook by the time that happens. I have to commit to my last status about being not online for the rest of the year. Once I do log in, I think it is going to be Hell. Me not logging in makes it hard for people to contact me and vice versa. It is not that much of a problem, to be honest. I do not like people that much anyway.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Just Positive Reinforcement

I have put myself in that certain mood.
I think I deserve it.
I did this to myself.
I don't want to...
Fuck it.
This post is going to be positive, for a change.
I just want to tell you that
I am happy you have made it this far.
Do not quit.
Do not give up.
I know you can be indecisive sometimes.
I am telling you now that you should continue going on.
I am the voice you should listen to.
I know it is hard to ignore the other ones.
I will be here
in the shadows.
Always watching
Always guiding
Always believing
I tell you again.
Do not give up.
Ever.

Just Don't Know What My Point With This Is

I have written a lot.
Maybe it is because I have a lot to say
but I do not actually say them out loud.
I hate talking.
I hate being told what to do.
I have initiative.
If I am not doing somethimg, it means that I am tired
or that I just do not want to do it.
I just do not want to be alive right now.
No, wait...
Maybe that is just an exaggeration.
Maybe I just do not want to be awake.
But if I wake up, it would all be the same.
This feeling will be gone in the morning when I wake up, sure.
But it comes back.
I do not want it to come back.
If it does not come back in a long time,
my abnormal brain would miss it.
I would miss it.
It sucks to be like me.
Well, not that much.
It is funny how I am gifted with a lot of things and
I got my mind to compensate.
Like,
I know how to guitar, piano, violin, banduria, laud, oktabina, double bass, flute, lyre, xylophone, drums, bass, tambourine, maracas, whatever;
I am good at math;
I can draw and paint;
I am a fast learner;
I can lift heavy objects;
Not to brag, but I am also good-looking;
and I am smart, too.
However,
I am prone to depression and psychosis;
I am weird;
I am numb;
Maybe I have bipolar disorder;
and maybe I have schizophrenia.
Just...
I dunno, you know?
I just don't know what my point with this is.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Just Using My Dialect for Accuracy

Sige ra'g ingon ug "suicide awareness" pero dili man gani makita ang tao nga naa sa ilang atubangan nga naa'y depresyon.

Just Automaticaly Typing What's in My Head, Kind of Like a Thought-to-text

My depressed state is like
Thinking that there's no point
I'm just gonna type instantly that comes to my head
Don't mind me
Everything here might be incoherent
I'm fucking exh... tired
From playing dota.. the computer all day
Has it been two weeks of continuous sadness.. apathy?
For it to be called depression?
Agh... my head hurts..
Probably needs some water, dehydrated
Why do I think of one phrase, word, then think of a better one after?
I'm typing even my previous words, wait erase that, that doesn't make sense,
nah, just leave it there, you already thought it, you can't erase it, you're typing what you're thinking
Don't mind me guys, I'm just talking to myself.
Shit, that's that wasn't supposed to be a comma.
I'm not dedicated to this anymore.
My head hurts.
If there was a device that would automatically type my thoughts, it would probably be like this. Or not, not even close. I have thoughts in between as I type and I can't type them all.
Head hurting again.
I need some sleep.
All We Know is Falling.
Paramore.
Thoughts.
Typed.

Pause

What was i shit capital i era... Nah. No erasures. Okay. Again. Whay dammit erase y type t. Nvm. Again. What was I thinking again?
I got it right. Haha.
Head hurts.
I need some sleep.
Psychosis.
Maybe if I had Tourette's it'd be like this. But instead of randomly saying stuff, I'm typing them. Lol.
I'm just really typing random stuff so I could have somethibg to post. Dammit. Wrong spelling. Hayyy i mean *sigh*. I meant something, not somethibg.
It's been 14, 15, 16 ,17... 3 days since I last posted. I think this is enough now.
No class. Still thinking. Still typing. Shit. Stop it. Tap the post button alread self. Stop listening to your mind. Post it already. It's already long enough. Dammit. Stop it. You misspelled enough, erase it then come back to this sentence. Okay. I'll do it. Be right back.
Done correcting the spelling.
Ha.
Head hurts
Really need to sleep. Okay. Bye. I'll stop it now.
That's a lie.
Ugh.
Okay
How do I end this
Well
This is awkward
I miss .
I typed his name.
Am i allowed to erase it?
I guess i am.
Okay. I'll erase it.
Brb
Back.
I only erased his name.
It's still obvious which part i erased.
I guess i'll end it here.
Stop and tap the button already.
Okay.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Just Thirty-sixth Day at OG

FINALLY, my last day. 37 check-ins. Tried to slice fruits, but Sir Marlon arrived and took over so it would be faster. Served food, served coffee, served water. Most of the guests wanted to be on the outer restaurant because it was cold inside. Function. Times two. 16 hrs x 2 =36 hrs. Carried chairs to the side. Folded napkins. Went up and down the stairs a lot, now my legs hurt. Dished out from rooms. Yeah. I'm glad it's all over.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Just a Pen Part 2

I posted about my pen 9 days ago, about how I dropped it and planned to pick it up later, but disappeared when our teacher dismissed us. I confronted my suspect yesterday at class, and my suspicions were true. He DID pick it up. Fuck him, man. I thought... Bah, I ain't gonna rant anymore.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Just Thirty-fifth Day at OG

I felt a little stressed at around 6 am because there were six guests and I'm the only server. Sir Jo went downstairs to get some ice and Sir Marlon had not arrived yet. I almost spilled some coffee on their boss and fuck, man, I'm glad that I have logged out now. I only rendered four hours. I couldn't go for 8 because there would be a seminar at 1 pm.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Just Thirty-fourth Day at OG

I don't remember much of what happened (I actually do, you know) but all I know is I'm gonna be fucking done with this shit on Saturday.