Monday, May 20, 2019

Just Stay by Mayday Parade

I need some time. Just deliver the things that I need for now. Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me and it's taking me to somewhere new. 

If you believe that everything's alright, you won't be all alone tonight, and I'd be blessed by the light of your company, slowly lifting me to somewhere new.

Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke? You said "Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."
Please.
What a night it is, when you live like this and you're coming up beneath the clouds. Don't let me down. All the love's still there. I just don't know what to do with it now.
You know, I still can't believe we both did some things I don't even wanna think about. Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry, I don't want anybody else to feel this way", no, no, no.
Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well since the last time that we spoke? I said "Please understand I've been drinking again, and all I do is hope"
Please stay, please stay.
I'll admit I was wrong about everything 'cause I'm high and I don't wanna come down. All the fun that we had on your mothers couch, I don't even wanna think about. I'm not strong enough for the both of us. What was I supposed to do? You know I love you. Please stay.
Stay.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Just Paralyzed in the Nap Room

I took a nap earlier and as I was beginning to doze off I had a sleep paralysis. I woke up from that and tried to sleep again then it happened again. My body was stiff and I tried to move my fingers and toes so I could wake up. I woke up again then went back to sleep because sleep is life.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Just 6:30 in the Morning

For the past 3 months, all I talk about here are suicide attempts and about wanting to die a lot. I can't help it. I don't talk to anyone about this. There are some people who I tell this to but I don't give much detail.

I don't even know what the point of this post is. Lol.

Most of the blogs I follow in blogger don't update that much and I was searching for new ones to follow. I wish there were more bloggers there that have the same interests as me.

I don't know what to do with my life. Every week, I keep thinking about doing it. And when the time comes of the scheduled date, something comes up that would make me postpone it to the next week. Maybe I'm doing this wrong. Maybe I shouldn't set up a date and just actually do it. I mean, I did actually do it at one point, but it wasn't effective. I knew it wouldn't be effective. I guess a part of me doesn't want to do it? More than a half of me, even? Because if I truly do want to do it, I wouldn't be here right now. I would have already been gone 3 months ago. God, why can't life stop playing games with me and just let me do it.

Where did all the time go? It's already the second week of May. It would be June soon, the other half of the year.

Maybe I should do it later. It may be impulsive, but it may also be effective.

Sunday, April 21, 2019

Just Low Alcohol Content

I'm gonna go out and do something. If I don't post an update within 5 days, I'm probably already dead.