Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Just Want to Smoke, Too, but I Don't Smoke

I'm in a writing mood. What should I write about?

I don't go out so I can't write much any experience.

Nothing's much happened in the past 17 days of this new year.

Okay, I am in a writing mood, but there is nothing to write about.


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There's nothing as sweet as a husband missing his wife.


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Maybe I will just try to sleep. This writing mood is such a waste.

I want more wine.

Mother watched me carrying a glass of it and nagged, saying it was too much.
She made me put most of it back in the bottle. I only had 20 ml. I need more.

Maybe later, at midnight, when she's asleep.

I want to be drunk.


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I want to confess my love, but I can't do it while I'm sober.


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I slept earlier. I was awakened by my brother's girlfriend visiting.

I was sleeping in the living room. Now I am in my bedroom.

I couldn't go back to sleep. I want to go back to sleep.

Whatever.

I'm wasting my writing mood.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Just an Ode to My Aunt

Even when you are gone
In my dreams, you are still there
It means that my subconscious still thinks you are alive
It messes me up when I wake up

While dreaming, I think and know you are dead
But I see you there, breathing, with us
So happy, so at ease
Why does my mind work like this?

I do not want to see dead people
Even if I am just dreaming of them
No, it is not a nightmare, I was not scared
It is just that when you are awake
reality sinks in deep
and you remember that they are not there anymore
It is like having a nightmare while being awake

I know you are happy
I know that you have rest
I know that you are okay
We know that it was for the best

I know you have lived a life with no regrets
At least we can say you are in a better place
No more suffering, no more pain
We love you, and you did not die in vain

Monday, January 15, 2018

Just Typing for the Blog to be Alive

Ahh... What have I come here to write about next?

I don't really have much going on. I'm done with school and I don't have a job.

But I did go to school earlier to pay for our college yearbook fee.

I also talked with our dean. Just some casual stuff.

Everything's a haze right now, not that I took anything that would make me in a haze. I'm actually quite sober. I didn't drink or anything.

Hmmm...

I guess I'm not that manic anymore, or am I?

Friday, January 12, 2018

Just Did Not Get This Checked

I think I'm gonna die soon because I'm being too carefree despite being bit by our dog six hours ago.

Tuesday, January 09, 2018

Just Cat's Meow, Aw

I notice that I wake up to most of my nightmares while lying on my back. My head is tilted a little back and it feels like how it is in nightmares. Maybe blood in the brain causes it. I don't think so, though. I don't have a lot of nightmares to tell.

Also, if you feel a little emotional, it's probably hormones. Don't do something stupid while you're filled with it. Your normal and chill self would thank you for it.

Sunday, January 07, 2018

Just Been Eating a Lot of Chocolate These Days and Now I'm Feeling Manic

Control yourself
You can do that, can't you?
You didn't log in for 10 months
This is easy for you
You have the skills
Just this once
This is important
Why can't you do it?
Hold on
Don't go
You have self control
Please,
be normal

Wednesday, January 03, 2018

Just... That was Some Dream

It started with a sharp noise, like how a microphone would sound when improperly handled, and it was piercing. We all covered our ears. Then we started to get out of the house. I tried to bring what I was holding at the time and also save our dogs. My brother got to bring some. There were puppies that I don't know where they came from. I asked someone if the gas range was turned off because it might explode. Then there was a helicopter that came from our house. My father was flying it. Mom decided to go to the subdivision's basketball court. Everything was burning there. I looked up the sky and I remembered there was also going to be a typhoon, that we might also drown and burn the same time. A car crashed to a tree. It was burning. Then mom tried to climb a tree with other people. It was already burning. My other brother tried to get her down. She went down but her clothes were on fire. I told her to roll around. I woke up.