Monday, February 29, 2016

Just a Long Dream

I had the benefit of dreaming of you. Not just you, the others too. Also, one time, I dreamed that Thomas Brodie-Sangster was one of us. It's such a shame I had to wake up.

I had another dream. I was half-dead. My eyes were half opened. My body was paralyzed. I wished it was over. Everyone was trying to keep me alive. All because I was in shock. All because the police tried to arrest me. All because I tried to steal something.

But before all that, my dream was awesome. I was with other celebrities. I was blonde and Caucasian. We were shooting a film. I was a stunt double. I didn't know that until later. I didn't have the qualifications to be a stunt double. I was lousy.

The time went by and the scene came where I seized the villain and pinned him on the ground. The other bad guys took pictures and sent it somewhere. That ruined the company's reputation. Then came the fighting scene. The main character started to fight with the villain. It was funny on that scene because we were shooting, and we were supposed to be unconscious in the scene, so we sat down and watched the fight scene. I laughed when the heroine first punched the bad guy because she reallly didn't hit him but the guy fell down and everyone else had a late reaction. Haha. You should've seen it. It was really funny. It was awesome. All until the part that I was half dead.

The scene shifted after the bad guy took the GSP pin of the heroine and the shooting was almost over. I think it was over, because the other main character actress was helping me practice the award as the best stunt double, because the other actors of the film we were shooting won awards.

My dream shifted from there. It was another part of my dream. I dreamed of stealing a 500-peso bill from Simon Cowell. It was in school, Assumption College of Davao, in fact. We ran. While running, I saw a 1000-peso bill. Lucky me. So, we went to a stall to have it changes so the three of us can share. I guess the lady took too long because Simon's co-judges saw us and police came. We ran again and got separated. I hid in the backstage, saw other kids that looked like from the Simpsons. I later know that  they are also criminals. I became Lisa Simpson.

The kids couldn't take it anymore so they confessed their guilt to each other. Then one by one, they went onstage to perform. I was till in the backstage when Milhouse Van Houten came and called the cops. I tried to escape to the stage with the others. They were still singing. That was the time my body was paralyzed and became Rodrigo Duterte. I know. Weird dream, right?

Anyway, many people tried to carry my body to the hospital, and the dream shifted to my home. I was sitting up on the floor. That was the time my eyes were half-opened, body still paralyzed. I was my old self, no longer Caucasian nor Rody Duterte nor Lisa Simpson. In front of me were a keyboard and food. My family was taking turns on taking care of me. First my mom, then dad, then sister. My sister was trying to feed me but my mouth wouldn't open. Everything was stiff. I fell down to the floor. She tried to hold the tears while trying to feed me.

Then the dream started to shift again. It was all a dream as if nothing happened. I was able to walk again. I was trying to cross a street with my mom and dad. I said I can handle myself and that they should leave me alone. They did for a while then they saw me almost get hit by a car. So they tried to guide me.  They guided me to a jeep. Mom tried to get us on a wrong jeep. Dad got mad at her.

Then I rose awake. Pretty long dream, right? I almost forget my dreams every time. But this time, I remember the long version. Maybe because I typed this just after I woke up. Haha.

What I like with sleep is that it is like teleporting from one time to another. While teleporting, you experience dreams.

Thanks for reading all the way through, though.

Just Poem Wars with My Friend Part 2

i have abandoned everything
but still, fear lingers within me
how could i stop this anxiety pushing through?
i guess i should stop seeing you

we agreed to forget i agreed to forget i did forget now ur back and i realized u werent part of the agreement
there was a time when you were part of the picture
but slowly, you inched away
until i was the only one left
i just can't bear this pain anymore

i paint you red you paint me blue everyone started to love blue so you wrapped me up and unwrapped me only when its just me and you
it all started with a poem
then it got crazy
you told me i was sexy
even though i was fat

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Just Poem Wars with My Friend

i feel inlove
but it wasnt you
it was with tthe world
then i died

poops are brown
melons are orange
God made the world
and snowhite loved her 7 dwarfs
sa tuwing sasapit ang dilim
nakikita ko ang muslim
dumadaan sa kalsada
nagtitinda ng pirated dibidi

si jema ay masayahin pero minsan hindi bakit minsan hindi kasi minsan wala siyang panti
i see the sky
it was grey
sometimes it was colorful
but shiloh only cares about panties frown emoticon

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Just a Message to You Part 4

I was excited two weeks ago.

Two weeks passed, and still no date. How could we? You weren't ready. My friend said that if you were ready to go on a date you would do everything in your power just to make that happen. But you didn't. Three days ago you said that you want a group date, and not just the two of us. I'm okay with it, but the date never really happened.

Our date was supposed to be two weeks ago. It got postponed today. But still, no date happened. It's okay. I guess it wasn't meant to be. We will still remain acquaintances though. Acquaintances, or friends? I like the sound of friends. I guess we are friends. Haha.

So what now? I guess I should move on. These feelings are gone now. You made me. You're still good looking though. And you should pay me for the drawing I made for you. Haha.

Our cat is sitting on our chair. Random.

What else should I say? I guess I got the closure I wanted, even though there wasn't an us. The closure posted in a blog. Huh. Nice. I don't think you'll read this though, or would you? You already know the URL to my blog so I don't know what to expect. Our cat is still looking at our food, waiting to steal it at any moment. I can't bear to look at his eyes. He looks so cute and so hungry. LOL. Now he jumped down to the floor. I don't know what he's up to.

I guess this is goodbye for now. See you when I visit again. :)

Friday, February 26, 2016

Just Making Out

Making out.

I haven't tried it yet. But based on TV series and movies, I want to try it. It looks like it feels good. I don't know how it feels, but I certainly want to try it.

It doesn't mean I'm a slut for wanting to try it.

I want this post to be longer but the subject is embarrassing. Goodbye for now!

Feel free to leave comments.

Just an Existential Crisis

It's times like these I get an existential crisis.

Ever think of the reason why you exist?
Ever think so deep that your soul almost escapes your body?
It is times like these, like two in the morning I get these questions.
I wonder why I was born into this world. What was the purpose?

I am left here to ponder, asking all of these unanswerable questions.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Just Something I Wrote Beside You

One day you told me that if our horizons meet, you would tell me something. It would change my whole world. That something was what I longed for, you said. But it never happened. You died on the way. So my world remained the same.

But it wasn’t the same. My whole world changed since you left. Everything became black and white. The once colorful skies became dull and grey. The pink and yellow horizons became black and white. The chromatic aurora borealis became shades of black.

I longed for the day of your return. But you never came back. I cried almost every day for a month. You didn’t tell me where you were going. You left me here… alone… with no one to talk to.

It was so unfair of you. You left me hanging. You left me longing for the day that our horizons meet, and you just left me. What was that that you were going to say? What were you going to say that day? You changed my world without it ever happening. What kind of magic was that? That was the greatest trick yet!

So here I am… all alone… with no one to talk to. I’m feeling something… something in my chest. I feel like my heart is going to explode in a minute. That way, we will meet. That way, our horizons will meet.

But my heart didn’t explode. I am still here. It is not time yet. I have to wait a little longer. Maybe I should meet another person. You left me here waiting, with no one to talk to, all alone. Yeah, I should see other people.

I can’t take it. I can’t do it. You still linger in my head. You’re still there. I can’t change that. I can’t see other people. You left me here… all alone… with no one to talk to.

I feel it… in my chest… my heart… exploding… maybe not exploding… but I feel something.
It is you dying. You are dead. But you are still dying. Maybe I can still save you. I should try to save you. I should’ve stopped you when you left. But I didn’t.

And I am here left all alone… with no one to talk to…

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Just a Kiss on Your Lips

I long for the day
that your lips pressed to mine
the sweet taste of your lips
the kiss from you
I'll taste you all over again.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Just Singing to Unravel

I sang this song over and over again even though I don't understand Japanese. Here's the English translation of the lyrics though.


Tell me, please tell me, what this plot is all about.. Exactly, who resides within me? 
I'm broken, so broken - amidst this world. Yet you laugh, blind to everything.

Being as broken as I am, I hold my breath, 
And it can't be unraveled, it can no longer be unraveled.. Not even the truth. (Freeze) 
Breakable; unbreakable - psychotic; unable to go insane 
I'll find you, and..!

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen. 
Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me.. 
I merely don't want to hurt you, inside a world, that came out of someone's imagination. 
So please remember me; as vivid as I was.

Infinitely spreading, solitude wraps around me. Memories of times I laughed innocently comes to mind, 
And I can't move, can't move, can't move, can't move, can't move, I cannot move! 
Unraveling the world

I've changed; I couldn't go back to the way I was. 
As the two twines around one another, the both of us will perish away.. 
Breakable; unbreakable - psychotic; unable to go insane 
I can't afford to let you be defiled!

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen. 
Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me.. 
In a trap of solitude someone had set, before the future unravels, 
Remember me; as vivid as I was.

Please don't forget me, don't forget me, don't forget me, don't forget me!

Paralyzed by the fact that I've changed, 
In a paradise filled with nothing but unrecoverable things, 
Please remember me.

Tell me, please tell me.. Exactly, who resides within me?

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Just Feeling Blessed

Just Darlin' Again with a Drawing

Sweet Darling,
this is my confession to
the crimes of wanting you badly
And darling if you're wondering,
here's your answer...
Yes, I like you.
I can't love you... yet.

Just a Drawing of You

Hey, I drew you. :)

Just a Poem for You

I long for the day...
that our hands intertwine
that way I couldn't whine.

Fill the gap between my fingers
and make it linger
That way I can feel
that this is real
and not just an illusion
and no, not delusion...
just plain old intuition

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Just Another Achievement

I just reached 1000 pokes with someone on facebook. How awesome is that? Here's a pic for proof and to show you how awesome that is.

Awesome right? It took a lot of dedication and commitment just to achieve this. Ahaha, Never mind the tabs and the names. Just focus on the confetti and the number of pokes ^_^

Monday, February 15, 2016

Just 1000 Pageviews

I now officially have one thousand pageviews on my blog! This calls for a celebration. Some Confetti!!! Thanks for the love and support guys. I promise to keep you updated and please continue on viewing my blog.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Just Dying

Ughhh,,, I feel really sick. It was the Budol Fight earlier alright. And this electric fan beside me is not helping. I'M GONNA DIE!!! Lol, jk. I just feel like dying. I hope I get well soon. And shout out to my real life friends reading my blog. hahaha.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Friday, February 12, 2016

Just a Message to You Part Two

I saw you again this day. I went in for a hug. But you didn't let me. You said you smelled. Haha.

Just a Message to You part1

I saw your face earlier. Oh how handsome you were. You are one of the reasons that I went out of the house. You were oh so beautiful. It's such a shame it was for a short time. How I wish to see your face again.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Just Trademark2

Seems like my trademark looks better upside down rather than right side up. It looks more like a JC that way. Should I change it?

Just I Love You

I want to text with you, but your seniority is in the way. Why should it happen this way. I want to hold your hand, while walking. I want to hug your lean body. I want to touch your freshly cut hair. I want to kiss your soft lips.

I texted you awhile ago. Then got scared when you replied. So I lied that it got wrong sent. Again, why should it be this way? Okay. I admit it. I love you.

Just me being Fat

As some of you know, I got fat again. It's because of the meds. I stopped them now. Working out is tiring. Losing weight can be longer this time, I think.

So how's life? I don't know. I'm still on my mania stage. Oh well. Gotta make the most of life.

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

Just My New Avatar

I'mma make this my new avatar:

instead of the anime girl I downloaded before. Haha. I know it's ugly but I don't care.

Just a Drawing of Mine

I drew on a computer using paint and a mouse. I feel contented with it with as slight feeling of being not contented. Don't get started on asking me what I mean by that because even I don't know.

It's a great achievement for me. Haha. She looks pretty. I will name her Elizabeth. Because she looks like an Elizabeth. I have made "good art". Thanks for the inspiration Neil Gaiman. ^_^

Maybe I should draw my own avatar too. Huh. Maybe I really should. XD

Just a Twitter Convo

Why do I like this conversation so much? 😂

Just Another Message to You

I think I have already said that I loved you. But I think you think that I meant it differently. I said it like it was an expression.  (I just bit my lip. I'm eating while I'm typing btw.)

Anyways, change topic. I just attended my neighbor's birthday. We took a lot of pictures, and I gained a lot of weight in the pics. Haha. No angle can sum up to the fat that I have. Oh well. I sang "Famous Last Words" in the karaoke machine. No regrets. Haha.

My friend said I looked like I had fun in the pics. Maybe because I have. I had fun. I hope this mania lasts longer than the depression. Haha.

Monday, February 08, 2016

Just Some Moments

That moment when...
          when you press ctrl+s instead of ctrl+a
          when you add "haha" or an emoticon/emoji to a post to make it sound less serious or harsh
          when an item you are using falls to the ground and teleports to another dimension

Just a Little Talk

Let's talk about feelings.

Wait. How about no. Let's talk about something else. sadffdsaasdf. Why am I thinking about you right now? Why? Please answer. It was supposed to be the other guy I should be thinking about and now it's you. Just, why?

I want to hang out at the same time I don' want to hang out. I want to be by your side at the same time I don't like the thought being right next to you. Please stop messing around. Stop f!@$%^& around with my emotions. I like it better when I'm numb. That was a song reference just there. Haha.

Again. Why am I thinking about you? Is it something you have said? Is it the way that you are? Please tell me. I know I wont get the answer by typing it here. But could you just... please? I don't like this. Please go away now.

But you're still here. And I'm still here. Oh why, just why?

Just an Adult Coloring Book

So one of you sent me an inspiring video, and one of the quotes there was "make good art". My sister brought home an adult coloring book two months ago and she gave to me. This is my life now; making art by coloring this book.

They're prettier than they are shown here. Sorry, my camera phone has a low resolution. Sorry again, they're not properly arranged. I don't know how blogger works. Haha. I'll leave you a quote by Neil Gaiman, "Make Good Art".

Just Me Admitting Something

I tried to kill myself...

Yes, I admit it. Even when I told you I wasn't suicidal before, I am telling you now that I am suicidal.

I hate it that I am now. I hate it that my younger self won't like me anymore. But I still have the power to change that. Or do I? Thanks to one of you, I have the inspiration now. When in doubt, make good art. I now make good art by coloring an adult coloring book.

So what do we say to death? Not today! Also, it was the first time in 4 months that I went to church earlier. I still don't feel the spirituality come back yet. But slowly filling me up is good, too.

Sir, I miss you. And I think I am falling for you. Please make it stop. Thanks

Sunday, February 07, 2016

Just Galgarator


What is that? I just made up that word. If you google it, it would not match any documents.

I like making up words. It's because I like gibberish. Well, I don't like people speaking gibberish to me, but I like speaking gibberish to people. Haha.

So if I had to make a meaning for galgarator, it would be a machine that helps you gargle. I am not trying to make it into a real word, okay? I just like saying it. Galgarator...

If I had to use it on a sentence, it would be "Yesterday, the galgarator almost choked me. Thank God someone was there to help me."

I don't think galgarator will be a new trend, though.

Saturday, February 06, 2016

Just Grey

I don't know why I like this color.

It's supposed to be a blank gray square but I was bored so I scribbled some white stuff.
They aren't supposed to be something.

Now that I've stopped taking my meds, I don't know now. Err. This feeling. Ugh. Okay. How about another one of my scribble?

Okay. Here it is.

I know, I know. I just filled the white ones with red. I'm bored, jeez, lighten up.

So what now? I guess we move on with our lives. 

Just the Time

11:11 I wish I were dead.

Friday, February 05, 2016

Just a Letter to My Young Self

Dear Young Me,

             I am very sorry.

Sincerely yours,

Your old self

Just Alone

Okay. So now I am officially alone in the house. This may be the perfect time for me to kill myself, 'cause you know, I am alone so no rescues. But instead, I am here at blogger, still contemplating and typing this poop.

What else should I do? There's nothing to live for; well, at least for me. Err... I have not done much research for this. Dammit. The world is making my head hurt. Which is a good thing, if you want to die anyway. So yeah.

What to do! I stopped school so there's nothing keeping me busy anymore. No work so no money, too. Why should be everything be like this? It's so frustrating.

Sorry for over acting here. But hey, it's my blog. It's what I am here for.

Just as If...

It's as if last year never happened...
Everyday I wake up
Everyday I eat
Everyday I take a bath
Everyday I walk
Everyday I go out

It's as if last year never happened...
Everyday I sleep
Everyday I rest
Everyday I dream
Everyday I  nap
Everyday I am exhausted

It's as if last year never happened...
It's the same everyday
It's the same every night
It's the same all day long
because it's as if last year never happened.

Just another Boredom Post

I wonder, if you have done everything you want in life, what goes next? I mean, if you already reached your goal at a young age, what is anything else to do? Do you die? Do you make a new goal?

There is nothing to do now, not that I am saying I have already reached my dreams. My dreams are already dead. Sorry for my negativity. I don't go to school because it's "kapoy" or tiresome. So I stay at home all day and all month. So I will make a new goal, to stay at home for a year. I know that's not funny.

So what I am writing now is just out of boredom because I don't have anything else to do. I could always workout but it's so tiring. Everything is tiring for me. Even typing this post is tiring.

My armpit itches. Maybe it's because of the hair. Oh my, I have already shared too much info.

What else is there to write about. I haven't much done in three months. Except chatting with my friend Shiloh. If you're reading this, "Hi" :) You've always made my days.

Time to write a longer paragraph. I type short paragraphs because it's easier to read. Maybe I'll type the avatar intro. Yeah, I'll do that. Water... Earth... Fire... Air.. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Only the avatar, master of all four elements could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new avatar, an air bender named Aang. And although his air bending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he is ready to save anyone. But I believe Aang can save the world. Taaan taaan TAAAn Taaan...

I can't believe I still memorize the intro after all these years. Haha. So yeah, I've made this post long now. All I need to do is to add a picture of banana. Because banana rhymes with my name. I can't believe I just spelled rhymes wrimes a while ago. Ahahaha.

Here is my digital drawing of a banana

Sorry it's not perfect :(

Thursday, February 04, 2016

Just Today

Today, I went to visit my grandmother for her birthday. The 2-hour ride made my butt numb. Haha. She can't verbalize words that much. I tried to hold the tears for the fact she's getting older and older. She is sick by the way. Okay. That's pretty much it.

So now I'm gonna type random words now.
Bla bla blee blue.
Okay, those weren't real words. Haha.

Just What Happened Yesterday

I had fun yesterday roaming around with my friend. We played air hockey. We tied. So we both got tickets. We redeemed a hair-tie. Then we went to a cafe. She treated us both some ice frappe. Even we hung out for only 2 hours, it was fun. It was the second time I got out of the house in 3 months. Haha.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Just Grandma's Birthday

It's my maternal grandmother's birthday tomorrow. I don't want to come. But since my aunt visited  for her birthday yesterday, I am obliged to come.

My aunt gave me a book. It was like a chicken soup for the soul kind of book. She also gave us 20 milk bars. Mmmmm, delicious.

I don't want to visit my grandmother. I don't have good news for her. I didn't enroll for school, but yeah, I am already obliged to come because I told my aunt I would.

C'est la vie, I have to go now.

Just an Anime Recommendation

I want to make this blog my online dream journal, but it so sad that I forget my dreams after 3 minutes of waking up.

So for today, I'm recommending an anime that my friend recommended me. It is Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso or Your Lie in April.

This anime is a musical one. It has a sad ending. I'm not spoiling some more. Haha. Here's a picture of Kaori and Arima. The photo isn't mine, obviously.
They look so cute together. It's sad that that *spoiler alert* Kaori dies. Oops.

Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Monday, February 01, 2016

Just a Post

"Daghan ang nagmahal sa imo"
"There are many people love you"

It's so sad that these words don't have meaning to me anymore. I really don't want to live anymore. There's no point. What, you say? I know it's kind of selfish to say it but I really, really don't see the point.

I know it's morally wrong to kill myself. That's what's keeping me alive now. Mom's giving me antipsychotic drugs. I don't want them. Unless I would use it to od. hah.

I shouldn't post these such things if I don't want help.
Anyways, don't copy me.

Just Two in the Morning

It's 2:52 am and I think it was the best time to commit suicide because everyone is asleep. Turns out my brother's still awake and I can't do it. Huh. The world really wants me alive, doesn't it?