Sunday, March 13, 2016

Just a Story of a Girl who Jumped off of a Cliff


I jumped a cliff, but not just any cliff. The cliff reached the heavens. Down below was a sea of dead bodies, which I figured that, jumped from the same cliff. When I reached the bottom, it was ecstasy, if that’s the word. I was very high. My body flew like it was weightless. I felt so happy that I did not feel my troubles worry me. Of course, I was dead.

It wasn’t my body, it was my soul. It separated from my body. God, I was exuberating with joy. I never felt that exultant. I was lifted up. Next thing I know, I felt pain at my back. I guess it was give-and-take. Pain for the joy I had. The pain was so excruciating that I vomited. I didn’t think it was possible for a soul to vomit. It wasn’t like human vomit. It was like the aurora borealis coming out of my mouth, filled with bright colors. The pain continued, and then, wings came out of my back. My wings took me higher to the sky, and the pain was gone. I was back in my euphoric state.

I traveled around. I tasted the clouds, manipulated the thunders, and felt the wind beneath my wings. After a while, I got bored. I decided to go back to my hometown. I flew back to the place where I was from. I sat by a skyscraper. I could see the city. It was already night time, so the metropolis was glowing with lights. There was a newspaper blown by a wind. I caught it. It was yesterday’s paper. The headline says “Girl jumps of Cliff of Heaven and dies”. I read the details. The girl’s name was Elena Roive.

The girl’s name seemed familiar. I can’t shake the feeling that I knew her from somewhere. My head hurt from thinking about it. I didn’t think it was possible, considering I am only a soul now. I flew to an apartment. I knocked at room 401. Huh, it didn’t make a sound. I pushed my hand through the door. It went through, dragging my whole ‘body’ with me. In the room, I saw a coffin. It was brown. I always wanted a brown casket. It was decorated with white roses, coming from different families. On the coffin lid was a ribbon with the words “in loving memory of Elena Roive”. It was the girl from before. I looked through the glass. I saw the girl’s face, scratched with scars and bruises. I looked closely, and then I remembered, the girl was me. I turned around; saw people with sad faces, weeping. I was paranoid. I looked in the mirror. I saw my reflection, only it wasn’t the same with the girl in the casket. I only saw a glowing light outlining a body, kind of like a white fire, mixed in with the aurora. I held my head down. It was painful. It sent me to my knees. And then, a force sucked me into a portal and teleported me to another place. I lost my memories of what happened next.

I woke up. Everything was white. It was only me. I tried to remember what happened. So my name is Elena Roive, or at least I used to be. I sat down and grabbed my knees. I rested my head on my knees. I heard a sound. Kind of like those lasers. I looked afar; there was not a thing in sight. Then I heard someone whisper “boo” in my ear. I was startled. I turned around and I saw a guy, with wings. He had a piece of paper. He read it.

“Hmmm. Elena Roive, jumped of the Cliff of Heaven. I see,” he said. He then showed me the paper he was holding. It said “Elena Roive: jumped off of the Cliff of Heaven”.

“Do you know what this means?” he asked while burning the paper with his hands. I shook my head no. “It means that you will be stuck here forever, in this white abyss. It’s not all that bad. Now you have enough time to think and contemplate about your past life. I’ll leave you here then. Bye!” “Wait!” I screamed as he snapped his fingers and disappeared into a tiny light.

What did he mean by that? I still had my wings, though. I can contemplate about my past life? Oh right, I jumped off a cliff, and not just any cliff, THE Cliff of Heaven. There are a lot of rumors about that cliff. Well, I guess this was one of it, getting stuck in a white abyss once you die.

I lied down and started thinking of what made me jump off the cliff. My memories from my past are slowly coming back to me now. It led me back a few weeks ago. I was practicing with my musical instruments. Music was my life. I remember having a phone call that day. It didn’t go so well. It was from my friend. He said he wants me to come over to his place, to which I did. I brought with me some food.

When I got there, he greeted me with a kiss. I thought he was having a hard time. He was just a friend to me. It really surprised me. I pushed him away. The food was wasted.

“I’m sorry. I have to tell you something,” he said.

“What the bananas is wrong with you?” I asked.

“I’m sorry. Lena, I have to tell you. I like you, a lot,” he said.

He proceeded to kiss me again. This time, I didn’t have the strength to fight him. He was too strong. He dragged me to his bed room. He reached his hand in my shirt and groped me. I tried to get away. He pulled me back. I was screaming. He continued to kiss me. I tried to kick him away to no effect. He started taking his shirt off. He unbuttoned mine. He touched my butt, and started to reach into my skirt. He started to remove my underwear. He pushed me to his bed. He unbuttoned his pants and started to rape me.

When he was done, I cried, hard. I clothed myself. He tried to help me, but I just pushed him away. I left as fast as I could. He tried to call out to me to try to explain everything but I was already gone. I reached home and cried there.

My flashback ended as I opened my eyes. I was still there, in the white abyss. I realized I wanted to escape. This wasn’t heaven. I don’t want to be agonized by my memories. So I flew up. I flew higher and higher. It seemed like the sky was infinite. When I was so high, I bumped to a ceiling and gravity was reversed. The ceiling was now the ground. I was back to where I was from. I lost my consciousness from the impact.

I was back in my house. I awoke after I cried. I checked the time, it was 6pm. I heard a knock on the door. I fixed myself before opening it. It was him again. I slammed the door in front of his face.

“I should explain” he said as he knocked the door again.

I opened the door.

“Okay. Go on.”

“Can I come in?”

I invited me to come in my house. We sat at the living room.

“I really like you a lot, Lena.” He said.

“But that is no excuse for what you did, Rex.” I responded.

“Lena, I…” “Get out!” “But” “Get out, now!”

Rex went headed to the door. “I just want to say I am very deeply sorry for what I have done. And all I wanted was to protect you.”

I closed the door and cried again. How was raping me trying to protect me? All of this was so messed up.

The next week, I heard the news that Rex has died. I also haven’t been feeling well for a couple of days. The news didn’t help.
I realized that I skipped a period. I couldn’t believe it. I bought a pregnancy test to make sure. It was negative. I peed on it again to make sure. Still, it was negative. One last time, it was positive. My head was filled with thoughts of how I was pregnant with Rex’s child. I couldn’t stand of the thought of being a mom, especially being a rape victim.

I couldn’t handle it. It was too much, too much pain. The father of my child is dead. I was a rape victim, with a child. I would be a single mom. I’ve never cried so hard. I really couldn’t believe it. So I went to the doctor to make sure.

I breathed a sigh of relief that it was just a false pregnancy test and that I wasn’t pregnant. But, in came the bad news. She said I had a cyst in my ovary, and it was too late for it to be treated. It wasn’t treatable, she said. She gave me approximately a year to live.

First, I was raped. Then, I got a cyst. What could possibly go wrong, right? When I got home, I realized I haven’t locked the door, and guess what? I got robbed. All of my instruments were gone, all of them. My guitars, my piano, my flute, my violin, my drums, all of them, all of them were gone. I called the cops. The line was busy. It seemed like there were other things they were busy to attend to.

I heard a loud crash. I looked outside. There was smoke rising. I went there. It looked like the guys who tried to steal my instruments crashed their stealing truck. Huh, just my luck. The other people around the area helped me contact the police and bring the stolen instruments back to my house. From there, one of the guys who robbed me shot me.

I opened my eyes. I was in the white abyss again. Everything was white. I lied down on the floor. A tear fell from my eye. What did I do to deserve all of this? I looked at my hand, and it looked like my hand, not like the reflection I saw in the mirror back at the apartment. I looked at my wings. They looked beautiful. I started to walk. I walked forward. I walked for minutes. Then the minutes turned to hours. It seemed like the abyss really was infinite.

I sat down and rested, still recounting the days when I was still alive. I remember waking up in the hospital. The pain from the gunshot wound was still lingering. He shot me on my hip. God, it was so painful. I wanted it all to end. I heard whispers at the end of the room. it was something about someone jumping off from “The Cliff of Heaven”. I heard rumors of that cliff, one stating that if you jump from that cliff, you would go to heaven, even though suicide leads you to hell.

A guy in a white uniform came to me. “Good news, Ms. Elena Roive,” he said. “You can be released today. Don’t worry about the bill. Someone has already taken care of it. And don’t worry about the guy who shot you. It was found that he has committed suicide.”

He did not say what kind of suicide. But I figured he jumped off that “cliff”. I heard rumors of that cliff; one stating that if you have killed someone, that cliff will call out to you to jump off of it.

I came back to my senses. Time. I became unaware of the time I had spent in that abyss. I don’t know if it was already days, months, or years I have been here. I have forgotten about the concept of time. I guess with all the time I have here, I can play all I want. I flew high, to feel euphoria. I looked down at all the white down below. I looked up at all the white above. From left to right, forward and back, everything was white. Even time was white. I flew too high again and bumped my head, again. 
Gravity switched too. I didn’t lose consciousness this time. I just rested with my back on the ground.

I was at home again. I felt pain, not by my hip, but by my womb. It didn’t seem normal. Maybe it was the cyst acting up. I visited my doctor if she could give me any pain killers.

“Good news,” she said. “Turns out, you don’t have a cyst. It was actually a fetus. You are pregnant! And it’s a boy! Congratulations!” she said with a wide grin on her face.

I didn’t know how to feel about it. Should I feel happy that I wasn’t dying? Or should I not be happy because I am bearing the son of a rapist?

I went home feeling tangled up inside. There’s a baby inside me, an unwanted baby. I don’t know what gone into my head. I decided not to keep it. I decided to abort him. But I wanted the baby to have a name; I decided its name to be Axle.

I know, naming a baby and deciding to abort it is the evilest thing a person will do. But that baby is made from evil. And it should die the evilest thing possible, abortion.

I went to my doctor to have an abortion. She was surprised about it, but didn’t refuse. Three hours in the operating table and the operation was a success. I have aborted Axle. I thanked my doctor and went home directly. When I got home, I started to hear a voice.

“Do you want to go to heaven? Let’s go to heaven.”

I followed the voice to where it was. I was walking. I didn’t notice that I was already outside the city and was already climbing a mountain.

“Come closer” it said.

I went higher, next thing I know I was already at the cliff.

“Jump,” the voice said. “You will feel happier than ever before. You will not have any worries.”

“I trust you,” I said to the voice. I shouldn’t have trusted it. If I haven’t, I wouldn’t be in the abyss now.

Another tear fell from my eye. One of the rumors was true. If you have killed someone, that cliff will call out to you to jump off of it.

I cried loudly. I punched the floor while I was hurting inside. I never thought a soul can still feel pain. Apparently, it still can. I punched and punched and punched, until I heard something.

I heard my mother cry. I wiped off the fog on the floor, and there, I saw my funeral, from above. I screamed at the people there.

“Mom, I’m still here!” I cried. “Can’t you hear me?” My voiced cracked as I was about to cry again. I punched the floor again, calling the people below. They can’t hear me. They cannot hear me…

I watched as they lowered my body in the hole they dug for me. It was depressing to watch. I regretted the day that I followed the voice that led me here.

Axle…

That was the name of my son to be. He was the boy who was not given the chance to live, the baby who didn’t stand a chance.

I am so sorry…

I thought of why Rex did that to me. He said that he wanted to protect me. Who the heck protects someone by raping them? Now I know, being in this abyss, with some time for thoughts. He was protecting me from others. He wanted to be the one who pops my cherry. That was his sign of possession. He wanted me. He said he liked me a lot. I also heard that Rex was already dying, to which he did.

Now I remember. It was my own will. No one called me to go to that cliff. I wanted to die. Suicide is also like abortion, so many people want to be an authority on saving a life, but no one gives a shit how that person has to get through life afterward. I figured that I was already suffering enough, that I was going to die anyway. Being raped, being pregnant, being robbed, and being shot to the hip, everything was so miserable. Prior to me dying, my father died.

Yes, my father died. He had a heart attack. Everything happened in less than a month, and how my friends reacted didn’t help. You see, my father was overweight. My friends made fun of me for him being overweight. I remember one of them saying “guess he got what he deserved for being so fat”. I thought they were my friends though.

I didn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle the pain. So I decided to kill myself, by jumping off the Cliff of Heaven, because they said that if you jump from this particular cliff, you would still go to heaven.

And I believed that silly rumor. It’s such a shame that I did. It left me here, all alone, watching the lives of other people, regretting everything that I have done, and wishing that I was still alive.


4 comments:

  1. This is very well written and very very sad.

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    1. Thank you! I might continue the story when I'm in the mood and it may have a happy ending in the next one.

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  2. Wow jema, well done! Not bad for a short story :)

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    1. Thanks Kim! On a scale from 1 to 10 how would you rate it? :)

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