Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Just Once

Once, I put my brother's phone in the fridge.
Once, I submerged my phone in a basin full of water.
Once, I burned my hand trying to burn paper.
Once, I wounded my pinky when I tried to put it in a pencil sharpener.
Once, I cut my hand with a blade just to see if it would bleed.
Once, I almost drowned in a river while trying to swim.
Once, I almost kissed a guy back in grade school.
Once, I pushed a guy from the rainbow monkey bar.
Once, I burned the Lumpia when frying it.
Once, I hit my neighbor while riding a bike.
Once, I bit my classmate so hard that she bled.
Once, I cried when they told me Tweety was a boy.
Once, I was so crazy I thought I had electrical powers (seriously).
Once, I made a friend cry by telling her she was ugly.
Once, a friend put gum on my hair and I had to cut it by the roots.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Just Self-Mutilation

I was alone in the office while cutting the back of my hand when suddenly a person came and sat in front of me, and she just didn't care, so I continued doing it.

Growing up, I didn't think that I would ever do this. I swore to my self I would never cut myself. I don't know what happened. But I get to look like an assassin and look cool, too. Haha.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Just Feeling Inauspicious

"This could be us, but you don't love me the same way."
Excerpt from the song All I Want by Kodaline

When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side

But if you loved me,
Why'd you leave me
Take my body...
Take my body...
All I want is
And all I need is
Find somebody
I'll find somebody

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Just my Night Log in the DMMAxim Office-04/19/19

(I have to cut out my rant because I had to post it in elitewriters.org)

Time check: 2:05 am-04/19/2016.

---Log in---

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2:16

I type my thoughts out. It is the only voice I have. It is loud enough for those who listen. It is enough for those who want to hear. Nobody listens to a boring speech made by a Nobody.  But most want to read an explosive rant of a hopeless poet. With writing, I am able to express the words I am not able to say. When I try to talk, the words jumble up and get tangled up in my tongue, and I am not able to relay the message I want to give. Writing gives me time to think. Talking demands you for the answers right on the spot. I can’t keep up with such pressure. I also like the silence in writing. The noise speaking makes gives me a headache. For I like to keep things in my mind. For I don’t want to be heard. For if I try to speak, nobody listens. For when I speak up, I get ignored. I am forced to train myself to place my thoughts on a piece of paper, even forced to study braille for the blind just to make people read them, not listen to them, because people can’t hear in a noisy room, but can read in one. Sure, they can’t read in the dark room, but that dark room is just as noisy. I can handle the deafening silence. I’d rather be deaf than not be able to write.

2:30

I am already feeling a bit drowsy. If I lie down, I still can’t travel to dreamland. I’d rather stay awake and type this rant. I already made 1317 words. It sure distracted me from thinking about the bad stuff. I shouldn’t have drank tea. It made my mind so active, and these thoughts keep pushing through. To those who are reading, this is what I think of when I cannot sleep. You have just witnessed a piece of my mind,the words that keep me up at night. People really do get more poetic when it is really late, and most of the stuff they come up with either make no sense, or have deep meaning to it. I close my eyes as I fight my urge to sleep. Should I buy coffee from the vending machine? Nah, I don’t want to get any more psychotic and get rushed to the psychiatrist to take those fattening pills again.

Sight is getting blurry, or the font is just too small. I’m too lazy to adjust them. Eyes are getting heavier. Still fighting the urge. I want to make a good conclusion to this rant. Head is starting to ache a little. I think the more I do this, the more years I take from my life. But eh, I want to die early anyway. I keep saying this, but it keeps on getting jinxed. Guess the world wants me to suffer longer. The brightness on the computer screen is hurting my eyes too. I’ve always liked people wearing glasses. I’d like to wear one, but I don’t want to have damaged eyes at the same time. I am a paradox. I like words with the letter “x”. I am sitting in front of a bright-lit monitor in a room with the lights out while my companions are asleep. Hmmm… I don’t know how I feel about that.

I don’t know who will really read this far in my rant. Already 1620 words and I am not stopping there. Feel free to stop reading anytime and I commend you for being able to get this far. I salute you.
I am feeling a little nauseous now. I guess I should try and lie down and drown myself with my thoughts again. But that won’t be any fun. I would get to keep them to myself and you know what they say, “Sharing is caring!” Man, I am really tired. Haha.

So what should I do now? Make some poems? I’m not in the mood. I might write a poem about how I am really pissed off at a particular person. Here it goes.

You,
You with the glasses
You with the white hair
You with the silly hairstyle
You with the big belly
You with the arrogant personality
You with a potty mouth
You who makes life a living hell
You who wants to be hated
You who makes my blood boil
You who I want to set on fire
You who I want to drown in the tears of my enemies
You who really makes me say “fuck you”
I really, really hate you
So FUCK YOU!

Well, at least I tried. I really am using curse words often these past years. I’d never thought I would do it when I would grow up. I was so young and naïve. Saying curse words is fun and it helps ease the pain. But it really is offensive. The F-word really offends me back in the days, but now, not so much. I don’t know what happened. 9gag, I guess. LOL. 

I rested my head for a while and tried to sleep, but no, the words in my head won’t go away. Oh well, what to do, what to do? Maybe pull a prank on these innocent sleeping bodies? Wahaha. There are four of them and I really want some fun in 3 in the morning. Hmmm… but what prank should I do? LOL. Thinking about this is making me laugh. Well, not really laugh but just blow a little air from my nostrils. Aha! I should write and draw on their faces! That would be really epic and funny. HAHAHAHA. But how do I do that without waking them up? I haven’t really tried it yet but I want to. LOL. I’m having evil thoughts at this time of the day. HAHAHAHA. I feel so stupid for laughing all by myself here. Huhu. I should wait until 4 am to make sure that they are all sleeping deeply. I don’t know if I would still be awake by then.

3:03

I feel shitty. Time is really passing by fast.

3:04

I rested my head a little and I thought of Jiggly Puff. Weird. I remember Jiggly Puff writing on people’s faces who fall asleep to her singing. XD I wish I can do that successfully later.

3:08

Lack of sleep makes me think. I am getting really weird. My thoughts are getting weird.

3:10

Awww man. My memories of DMMAxim are coming back to me. I will surely miss them if we get discontinued. Also, I am getting “panuhot” from the air-con. BRB, got to go the bathroom. Wait, I change my mind.

3:12

Wala jud koy trip. HAHAHAHA

3:16

As I lied down, I keep thinking of my next log entry. And this is it. Damn this caffeine intake. I’m not going back to Top Tea to order Green Matcha any time soon.

3:25

Hearing the voices in my head saying “YOU CAN’T SLEEP AND YOU WILL NOT SLEEP! MWAHAHAHAHA!” hahaha. Damn.

3:26

Remember when I said when people get more poetic when it is very late and the things they come up with either make no sense or have deep meaning? Well, I am the former one.

3:30

Time to commence operation write on sleeping people’s faces! MWAHAHAHA. I’ll use lipstick so it will be easy to remove.

3:34

Before I commenced the operation I went outside to pee and as I was heading back I saw all these beautiful stars and constellations. Ok time to proceed with the operation.

3:38

First victim: Carmela=success! I tried not to laugh while doing it. WAHAHAHA! Had to walk with bare feet to not make so much noise

3:40

I’m deciding who my next victim will be. I’m not sure if Laica’s asleep. I want to try Lonard but I’m afraid if he’s a light sleeper. It’s the risk I am taking. HAHAHA >:)

3:41

Hands are shaking. Pulse beating fast. Don’t know why. Someone please send help.

3:43

I attempted to draw dots on Lonard ‘s face and he really is a light sleeper. He moved his hand to his face. Glad I wasn’t caught in the act. I have ninja skillz >:)

3:47

I wrote “JC was here” on Laica’s foot with my eyeliner. I softly touched her foot with my finger and she felt it. I don’t know if I’m caught.

3:50

I want to try Harold next but I don’t think he’s asleep yet. Hmmm… we’ll see.

3:53

Harold isn’t fully asleep. He twitches his face every time my eyeliner touches it. Haha. I managed to get a few lines on him. MWAHAHA. Ok. Lonard stood up and lied down again. I don’t know why. But anyways, mission complete! Mwahaha!

3:55

Now I feel nothing. When will the sun rise up again so they can see what I did to them? I want to go home already. My drowsiness went away.

Harold got up and transferred to where I tried sleeping earlier. It’s been awhile since I had insomnia. It’s the first time I’ve enjoyed it too. Never had this fun at 4 am since forever. Sleep is for the weak. If you can’t sleep when you have already tried hours to do so, then don’t try sleeping at all. When the sun is already up by 5 am, I am already going and leaving them behind. I won’t bother waking them. But I would miss their reactions though. What should I do???

4:04

It’s 4 am and I’m waking up to your perfume~
It’s 4 am and I’m still wide awake. #teamnosleep

Don’t worry little angels, I will guard you while you sleep. Welp, the only thing you should be guarded from is me! HAHA!

I’m making most of my moments while DMMAxim still exists. Don’t judge me for this.
My mom must be really worried because I didn’t come home tonight. I am preparing myself for the coming morning sermon.

I wonder if anyone will read my rant and log and laugh about it. Please don’t.

4:08

Ahhh… I will sure remember this moment. Being wide awake and poetic in the kadlawon while everyone is asleep. Well, not really asleep because of the noise the keyboard makes while typing this. I will remember this moment pranking you guys and I hope you won’t forget me :”>

4:10

Well this is fun. I should make these kind of stuff often.
Dugayasamusikatsaadlawuyyy. Akopuddugaypudkomusikat and I’m not dreaming of it.
How could I dream when I ain’t sleeping?

4:12

Tic, tock, tic, tock, goes the clock.

4:13

Thanks for loving me guys even though I’m weird.

These thoughts of mine I can’t stop typing them. Seems like every word that comes to mind I type them.

Flamingo.

4:14

Lonard’s phone sounded.

Take me back to the person I used to be~ when you were there for me~
^that wasn’t the sound though.

Man, mom’s really gonna be pissed. “But I’m pissed too, mahw.”

Oogly bear. Googly bear.

4:16

Drowsiness came back. Still ain’t sleeping.

4:17

I think I’m going to watch the sun rise, observe how the sky changes color when the dawn breaks.
I’m really disturbing Harold and Lonard with my noisy typing.

4:19

Lonard’s phone sounded again.

4:22

Eyes getting heavy again.

4:26

Rereading what I have just typed.

4:37

Lonard’s alarm went off for the nth time. He went out a while ago.

4:51-5:36

I watched the sun rise. It was very beautiful. Now I see a pink blotch right in front of my eyes. TIP: wear shades when watching the sunrise. Read my description about it here.

5:45

I’m going home.

Log out.


---End of log---

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Just the Sunrise

As I watch the sky at 4:48 am, I see the clouds slowly moving to the orange-dim blue gradient, preparing the stage for the grand entrance of the sun.
I hear the cocks crow one after another even though they are far away from each other.
They were accompanied by tweeting morning birds forming melodies like an orchestra.
The cold morning breeze gives me comfort as I wait for Mr. Sun to rise up, taking over Ms. Moon and her little darling children stars.

The city lights turn off one by one as it is the sun's turn to give light.
The shadows of the clouds give me the creeps while the orchestra of birds is still playing their symphony.

I patiently wait as the sky slowly changes color. Yellow joins in between the blue and orange gradient.
Dark clouds open slowly like curtains from a theatre, slowly revealing the sun.
Orange-yellow-dim blue-grey are the colors in the sky I see.
I did not know the sky could be filled up with so many colors.

A pretty picture is what I see in this world of ugliness.

I see a cloud formation.
I try to make up its form as it drifts in the wind.
But alas, I cannot decipher this abstract form of art.

Woah! I exclaimed as I begin to see the yellow rays.
They were like a set of lime lights pointing up in the sky.
I still have yet to see the sun.
The clouds begin to catch the paint the sun splattered onto it.
Its tips painted a pretty pink color.

I see orange fade and light purple comes unto the stage.
I see the morning star, Lady Venus, and she wants to star in this mystical performance before the grand entrance of the Sun.
Stripes of pink make their way out, making a perfect pair with the very light sky blue color.

Yellow, light blue, stripes of pink, light purple, light indigo, light blue.
The sight becomes intense as the clouds reveal the mountains.
Lady Venus is still there and higher in the sky.
I can't wait for the sun to come out.

The sky becomes a sea of feathery pink clouds.
Dark clouds drift away revealing the smoky mountain.

I pause my descriptions because I want to witness the moment as my skin and the surroundings brighten up.

The colors interchange.
The west becomes pink and the east becomes yellow.

Lady Venus isn't there anymore.
She hides behind the clouds, because it's the sun's turn to shine.

I then realize that it is only the earth rotating and not the sun rising.

I am getting impatient waiting for the sun to come out.
The world is already bright.

He paints the clouds bright orange before showing up.
And oooh, an airplane passed by.

I am really excited.

He highlights the clouds near him.
They are orange as the fruit.

Kuya guard comes along to watch the sunrise with me.
How romantic.

He then paints the clouds bright yellow.
The clouds are shining bright.

And lo! It's 5:36! He rises, ascending slowly into the sky!
Opening the Heavens into the bright sky blue!

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Jut a Pot Without the Letter "eth"

o my brother' keyboard can't eem to type a letter. To make the mot of thi tragedy, I'm making a pot without that letter. You can gue what that letter i, but it eem to obviou. Haha. It' weird without it, but it' fun. Let' ee what a pot look like without it, and ee if it i till undertandable. Haha.

Yeterday I went to chool to enroll for ummer cla, but it eem like the dean for my coure i only in for half the day. I hould've went earlier in the morning. It i tiring to move in the morning. When I arrived by the gate I wa already delivered the bad new that I will not be able to enroll that day. I jut went immediately to the DMMAxim office for there i nothing left to do anymore but jut be a bytander there. They had a canteen lip and ordered ome food. I hook the cola bottle for fun and my idiot friend opened it knowing I have hook it later, which reulted to a cola fountain which wet the floor and table. illy him. Haha. We watched "corpion" erie. I only watched 1 epiode. 45 minute per epiode then went home by 5 pm. I decided to walk home to burn ome calorie ince I topped working out lat week. I topped by to buy ome "Kwek Kwek" (A Filipino treetfood that i a boiled duck egg covered in flour) and entered 7/11 with the intention to buy ice cream but bought beef laagna intead. I walked 1 hour from chool to home. I ate the laagna and kwek-kwek when I arrived. They both tate good.

I have alo officially aked omeone to be my "Momol buddy" on Facebook. Haha. You can Google what "momol" i. I won't explain it here. Our firt deignation i thi Friday, but it' till not ure.

A pot about my day i really boring. I'm ure I'm boring you out. Mot of you have topped reading by now.I gue I'll write ome literature without the letter . Proe or poetry? Hmmm. My day i already a proe o I gue poetry for now.

Here it goe:

A imple geture,
a nap of the hand
then come ignite
a imple fire
I light up the dark
to ee your face
a imple geture
and you pout ome water
from your mouth
that i cold a ice

You quenched my thirt
I gave you my warmth
jut like apricity
in the cold winter
I wa fire
and you were water
We were oppoite
I wa yin, you were yang
without each other
we are not complete

I et the foret to ablaze
you damp it to a muh
I heat up the avannah
you cool down the moke
I caue chao and maeltrom
You are peace and tranquility
we are complete oppoite
and they ay they attract
with a imple geture
we make fire and water
with thee imple element
we will rule the world together

When we kied, we let out a team
I wa boiling you  and you were killing me
but the enation it left, it felt o good
we go for another one,
but you weren't ure
becaue if we did, I would ceae to exit
and thi world, I would gladly exit
jut to tate you all over again
Without me, the world would be cold
without me, the world would be dark
but if we did it again, I would die
and reborn a the un
the world wouldn't be a cold
and my ray will till touch and fathom you
the enation will linger
and we'll be together forever

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Just a Funny Convo in Facebook (For Filipino Cebuanos Only)

tanga kaayo ko ana
kabalo ka ngano 'tray king'?
wala
dont mind 'VAH'? xD
nag mcdo mi ana lunch
tapos nawala ko sa akong self ba
ambot asa ko ato
ang rice gud na naka balot
giabri nako tapos gibutang nako sa tray.
sa tray unta ko mag kaon
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
tapos nibalik na ko sa akong mind
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
potek ulawa lagi
=)))))))
ROFL
LMAO
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAH
saba kaayo katawa nla tapos nakita sa lain nilingi
wtfffffffffffff
LOL ROFL LMAO SALTS
XD
hahahaha ulawa lgi
INSERT ALL LAUGHUNG ACROS
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
dugay kaymi nahuman sig hagikgik
HAHAHA
NAIMAGINE NAKO
ang lain table na tapad kay nagkatawa npd
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TANGAA UI
ambot oy naunsa ko
WAHAHAHAHAHA
PASMO NA KA!!!!
WAHAHAHA
tanga kaayo ang tray myghad
hahahahaha
tama jud
pasmo ilang gisulti sako
hahaha
HAHAHAHAHA
SAMOCHA
HAHA
gi edit dayon ko
mao to tray king. xD
MAGCAPSLOCK NA KO FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT
end

Friday, April 15, 2016

Just Another Psychotic Episode

I remember...

I was waiting in front of the psychiatrist's door. We were the last in queue. I was crying, busting my tears out. It was a whiny cry. I didn't know why I cried. I just wanted to go home. We went there because I needed the prescription for the pills that let me sleep. I didn't want to see the doctor. I really wanted to go home. We had to wait for her. But we were the last in queue.

I cried to mom that I wanted to go home. She tried to hug me to calm me down but I just pushed her away. I repeated "Uli na ta! (Let's go home!) Huhuhuhu". The doctor's assistant tried to calm me down. She told me that we still have to wait for the doctor. The other patients in line let us go ahead of them, but still, I won't stop crying. We still had to wait for the doctor to arrive. I was hysterical. My anxiety was acting up. I screamed at the people there. I think they found it disturbing. But who am I to blame? I was mentally sick. I was psychotic. I had a mental illness. I was 16 at the time. People at that age don't act that way.

The assistant told my mom that she just really has to come back later. We were able to go. We rode a taxi. My face had a trace of crying. We got home, my mom asked for a discount for the senior. The driver got mad because I wasn't even a senior, which made me act up again and sprint towards my house. I sobbed when I lied down. My siblings were there busy with the computer. They asked what happened and I just laughed it off. I was better when I got home. I hated the hospital. I hate the psychiatrist. I hate everything.  The thing I hate the most is that I cried for no damn reason at all.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Just Moving On

I'm trying to move on
from a relationship I never had
But here I am stalking
guess I'm taking a step back

I see your heartbreaks
I wish I could fix you
but I can't just do it through a screen
I should stop thinking of stuff of what could be or could have been

As I face my struggles,
I continue looking up to you
I will continue looking after you
the same way you look after me too

Just a Repost

Since I am a math nerd, I'll post this right here.

A mathematician love letter:

Dear love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in Trigonometric plane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of Magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Cheers,

mathematician

Just that I Didn't Know I Wrote this Before

It's bad for my health
When I keep these things to myself
All these thoughts that are running through my head
Keep me up and I take medicine instead

"I hate my life", I said to myself
but I love living

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Just Annabeth Rose

Real artists draw nudes. Please avert your eyes or do not view at all for this post contains nudity and may be inappropriate to some viewers. Thank you.

This is Annabeth Rose.

"I'm fantasizing myself being with you, thinking that you would think the same way as me too."

Black&White and Colored Merged




Black&White






Colored


Medium: Colored Pencils

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Just 7 Dark Photos/Drawings

So my friend and I were talking in a comment box in Facebook, and the conversation led up to me wanting to kill myself jokingly. It inspired me to draw these things and leave comments with these drawings and photos.

"Hikog" (Suicide)

"Hikog" Colored (Suicide)

"Lason" (Poison)

"Gun"


"Laslas" (Self-Mutilation)


"Heroin"

"Hemoptysis"




Saturday, April 09, 2016

Just Ep 4 of Charlie Comics

Episode 4: Archie breaks up with Lulu
Archie: Hey Lulu,
Lulu: Yes, Archie?
Archie: I heard Charlie got a job.
Lulu: Oh yeah?
Archie: You know, he’s doing all these stuff for you and you fail to see it. Charlie's my bestfriend y'know, and I'm his bestfriend.
Lulu: What are you talking about?
Archie: I don't think we should do this anymore. We should break up.
Lulu: Archie, don't do this. I love you.
Archie: Goodbye, Lulu.
Lulu: (I shouldn't have let him read that magazine.)


Friday, April 08, 2016

Just a Poem about Jogging



Drip... drop... drip...

Rolling down from my face
are beads of liquid
they are salty
But they aren't from my eyes,
No, they're perspiration from pores, the tiny holes in my skin
I watch my sweat drop to the ground
Like tears from a sad day
but this day wasn't sad
no, it was far from that
It was tiring, but I wasn't sad
I look down on the floor and I see the sweat form into a pool
The pool in which little creatures could swim in
like the ocean that is deep and just as salty

I feel something touch my skin
It was wet but it wasn't sweat
I guess it's already raining
or maybe just drizzling
The perfect day for jogging...
1,800 seconds, plus 900 more