Friday, April 15, 2016

Just Another Psychotic Episode

I remember...

I was waiting in front of the psychiatrist's door. We were the last in queue. I was crying, busting my tears out. It was a whiny cry. I didn't know why I cried. I just wanted to go home. We went there because I needed the prescription for the pills that let me sleep. I didn't want to see the doctor. I really wanted to go home. We had to wait for her. But we were the last in queue.

I cried to mom that I wanted to go home. She tried to hug me to calm me down but I just pushed her away. I repeated "Uli na ta! (Let's go home!) Huhuhuhu". The doctor's assistant tried to calm me down. She told me that we still have to wait for the doctor. The other patients in line let us go ahead of them, but still, I won't stop crying. We still had to wait for the doctor to arrive. I was hysterical. My anxiety was acting up. I screamed at the people there. I think they found it disturbing. But who am I to blame? I was mentally sick. I was psychotic. I had a mental illness. I was 16 at the time. People at that age don't act that way.

The assistant told my mom that she just really has to come back later. We were able to go. We rode a taxi. My face had a trace of crying. We got home, my mom asked for a discount for the senior. The driver got mad because I wasn't even a senior, which made me act up again and sprint towards my house. I sobbed when I lied down. My siblings were there busy with the computer. They asked what happened and I just laughed it off. I was better when I got home. I hated the hospital. I hate the psychiatrist. I hate everything.  The thing I hate the most is that I cried for no damn reason at all.

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