Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Just Foresight

I fear when I would become too mentally unstable that I would start walking naked in public.

Just Balancing

Once, when I was around 9 years old, I tried to walk on our clothesline. Three steps in and the line broke. I fell on the cement below. It hurt only for a short time. Too bad I lived though.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Just Bagghh

I'd rather talk to a wall than talk to a real person. Because if I expect someone not to respond to any of what I say, that would be a wall. It also prevents the formation of emotions. I am reminded by how much I hate humanity. Ironic that I'm also human. I hate every ounce of it. Why are we even born anyway. I wish I could

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Just White Eye Reflections

I had a nightmare the other day. There was a guy with white pupils coming towards me. Then he lunged at me and bit my neck. I felt it and I woke up. I thought of a succubus-like demon, trying to kill me in my sleep. But maybe it was just because I kept staring at the reflection of the light on my eyes through my camera that I dreamed of such a thing.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Just Crap

Timing really is a bitch.

I like writing poetry.
I write about everything in my free time.
Now, there’s an opportunity to showcase what I love doing, and I just can’t write anything.
I tried starting a few poems.
But they didn’t feel right.
They kind of felt more like essays. They lacked the poetic essence.
Poetry is not supposed to be forced.
Or else you’ll just make a pile of crap.

And nobody wants to read or listen to crap.

Just Trying to Get Started on Spoken Word Poetry

It’s hard to write something for this requirement
Because I have a lot of things in my mind that I want to write about
Like, when a thought comes to mind, I start typing it down,
And then I think, wait, I want to write about this other topic
So I start typing again
I type away, then I stop typing
A series of thoughts flood my head
I want to write about depression
Wait, what if I want to write about anxiety?
Why not both?
Damn, I want to write about my suicide attempt
Nah, it’s too depressing. Try something lighter
Love? Ew. No. I hate that topic. It’s cringe-y.
Bah, I have writer’s block
I’ll just search my blog for some pieces I made before

I’ll try writing a new one if I can

Monday, January 23, 2017

Just Before English 3 Class Started

I just want to type what happened earlier during my first period class here. Not the whole class, just the significant thing which I think is a little funny.

It was raining and a little chilly, just the way I like it. When we entered the room, our English instructor said something about the weather to the class. It went something like this:

(Non-verbatim)
Sir: The weather is cold today. It's gonna be like this next week.
Me: Yes!
Sir: You like this kind of weather, Ms. Slaybell? (not my real name)
Me: Yes. It is when cockroaches breed. *plays with realistic cockroach toy*
Sir: *smiles* What is wrong with you? *laughs while staring at the computer*
Me: *faces my classmate behind me*
         Everything, sir. (jokingly)
        *smiles*
Classmate: *laughs* She said everything sir! *still laughs*

I don't know if he heard it because he was really busy with the computer, checking the lesson for today, and didn't react. As for the cockroach toy, I bought it yesterday and then brought it with me today. I pranked a bunch of people by scaring them with it and it was funny seeing their terrified faces. Haha. It's sad that I can't find it anymore.

Just Finding and Keeping

After my second period class, I found a pen on the floor. No one wanted it and I figured I needed one. So, I thought "Eh, finders, keepers" and put it in my pocket. After awhile, as I was eating alone in the canteen, I wanted to listen to some music (Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low). I checked my pocket for my earphones and they weren't there. I figured I left them in the classroom during first period. I thought "Hell nawwww... Finders ain't keepers bro". I found it ironic to gain a pen and lose your earphones in return. I went to the classroom and there wasn't a class going on there so I went in. I went to where I was sitting that time and luckily, no one took it. Phew, I don't want to lose my earphones. Ever. Haha.

Just Imagining Part Three

Sometimes, when I am trying to sleep, I imagine someone lying next to me. We cuddle and spoon each other, that person helping me sleep. I somewhat feel better when I imagine it. Somehow, it works, and I do fall asleep after awhile.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Just Imagining Part Two

Sometimes, before I sleep, I can't help but imagine myself grabbing a box cutter and slashing my hands and arms, not my wrists because it's a bit cliche. I just imagine it though; I don't really do it. I'm not a cutter.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Just Imagining

Sometimes, I imagine myself getting up from bed in the middle of the night, while everyone is fast asleep, walking out of the house, going to the nearest bridge, and just jump.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Just Spoken Words

Our English 3 instructor told us that our examination will be Spoken Word Poetry. I've been waiting for this since last semester, when my regular classmates took the class. I wonder which topic would I present to the class?

Monday, January 16, 2017

Just a Genre

You know what genre I hate? Romance. Why? Because it's very illogical. One moment, they meet. The next, they're already confessing their feelings to each other. And I'm like, WHAT?! You don't even know that person and then you claim to be "in love"? You don't even know that that person does a thing that you hate (e.g talking too much and chewing loudly when eating). Also, when they're fighting, one moment, they are shouting at each other, one person resenting the other; then, one of them walks out then the other grabs that persons wrist and pulls that person in and they start making out. *FACEPALM* That doesn't even make sense! People get turned on when they're fighting? Some of you might defend them by saying "they kiss the other because they are afraid they might lose that person". Well, bullshit. Just break up already! You're too young. You're like, what, 12? 16? 20? You're still young. You might meet more people who you are compatible with.

Another thing: the things they do for the people they think they "love" but don't really know that much about that person. Why would you even drink bleach or jump off a cliff for that person? Why completely change yourself for a guy or a girl who doesn't like a dominant trait that you have? It's not worth it! For example, you like stuffed animals so much. You also collect them. But the girl you like doesn't like you having such a hobby. Dude, you shouldn't stop doing what you love so much just for that girl. She's a bitch if she could even ask you to give up something so important to you. Don't be with her. Find someone who would collect stuffed animals with you. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. Okay?!

I just really hate romance movies. Blech.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Just that I Feel Like Writing

I feel bad for the people who didn't even get the chance to see the sun, had no chance to hear their loved once tell them that they loved them, and did not get to say what they wanted to say. I regret to know that some people have not tried to lift a pencil on paper, walk the streets in broad daylight, or able to feel a pinch on their skin, as the rain crashes down on them. I got the feeling that I should help them— people with disabilities, physical or mental. But I could not let the blind see. I could not let the deaf hear or let the mute speak. I could not let the lame walk or the armless people write or cook with hands. I can't perform miracles or cure schizophrenia and bipolarity. I can't get rid of any sickness with just am exhale of breathe. Instead of writing this, I could have researched for things that would have made all of these possible. Rather than doing that, I am wallowing in self-pity, helplessly thinking of helpless people, hoping that one day, someone with a hopeful heart would somehow do something for these people, rather than doing what I am doing now, which is making myself and some other people feel bad.

But I could be that someone, right?

Monday, January 09, 2017

Just the Twilight

"and we were staring at the same sky..."

I noticed the surroundings inked with yellow. I noticed it was twilight. I went upstairs to my room to gaze at the sky from my window. The sky was beautiful. I took my phone out and tried to take a picture. I turned on the camera. It wasn't the same with what I was seeing, so I decided to just forget it. I lie in bed for a while, scrolling through my phone, glancing at the pastel-colored sky once in a while. An hour later, I saw you upload a picture. It was the same sky, only from a different place, captioned "Vanilla Twilight". I'm just over my head. It doesn't really mean that much. But hey, I hope you're okay.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

Monday, January 02, 2017

Just 4 Days of Rain

Can it please rain forever?
 No more sunshine
   Please, heavens,
    make the whole world drown.