Monday, February 27, 2017

Just a Runny Nose

I thought I was invincible, but then I caught a cold.

I walked in the light rain yesterday while wearing my hoodie. I thought I would not get sick if I did that. It turns out I now have a runny nose. I forgot to drink water after coming home. I guess that's why I have a cold now.

Well, since I wanna die, this is a great start.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Just Trying to Not Give a Crap

I don't like being taken advantage of
and people are so dense that they think that I'm so stupid that I don't realize it
Things were so much better when I'm indifferent
Not a single care in the world
Not a single fuck given
Not one concern about people whining to me
But I guess things change

There's such a thing as character development
A person changes for the better
or they change for the worse
There are also who stay the same
Once a brat, always a brat
Once a doofus, always a doofus
Once a burden, always a burden

To be able to fly,
you must cut down the things weighing you down
but what if the thing that you're supposed to cut down
cries and gets mad at you when you try to leave it behind
Should you still cut the strings?
What did you even do wrong?
Why would they even do that?
Is it me? Or is it them?

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Just Torn

I'm thinking about going to a doctor and have him write a prescription wherein I am not allowed to work in group projects anymore especially when the groupmates are stupid and inconsiderate because it results to stress and then leads to suicidal thoughts which in turn make me hurt myself. He will write a medical certificate that will convince my Physical Education instructor to let me off in going on working with people who just don't cooperate and... motherfucker I can't describe how much they are tchhhchxhsztsskszxzkks so full of MOTHERFUCKINGSTUPIDSONOFABITCHICANTTAKEITANYMORE. Maybe the doctor will write something that will allow me to just stop going to school because I can't deal with the people around me anymore. I only like two subjects I have right now. They are the reason why the other classes I have are tolerable. I probably could learn a lot more by staying home and reading the modules instead. I'm even smarter than the teachers. Fuck them. Fuck people. Fuck my life.

This picture pretty much shows a lot of what I am feeling right now.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Just Stargazing

I saw a meteor last night, while I was thinking deeply as I was gazing at the sky. I don't know so what if. It had an orange hue and I wasn't really expecting to see one. I see shooting stars when I wasn't expecting them. Maybe they do that to distract me from my thoughts, to leave me off track, to prevent me from sinking too deep that I will not be able to go back to the surface. When I try to search for something, they don't appear. They just show up it is already insignificant to you, when the situation's not convenient for it to be there, when you already need something else.

I really like staring at starry skies. It's as if you can reach up and touch a black wall with little white lights on it, like the black mess is just only a few feet up, like it is a hard surface and not an infinite space expanding to million miles away, like the little white dots are just really dots and not big enormous glowing gaseous balls from light years away.

Right now, from the corner of my eye, as I was typing those, I think another shooting star passed by, and it covered a long distance, not like the other ones I see that immediately disappear. It travelled from one side of the sky to the other, from the right to the left. But I am not sure. Maybe it was a bat or a mosquito. I only saw it from the corner of my left eye. It's really different when you see it as you are watching the sky and it passes right in front of your eyes, not like when you're distracted and you turn your eyes toward it and it's already too late.

I used to make wishes. But I realized, shooting stars aren't that uncommon. There are also no correlation with dead flying nitrogen-enriched glowing balls to your deepest desires being granted. There isn't a science behind it, just superstition. I don't believe in astrology, just coincidences.

Damn, Coldplay songs really suit stargazing activities. It makes you feel ethereal (I can't find another word but I'm sure there is a better one that suits the feeling.)

The sky is moonless so more stars will be seen, but not like those I see in National Geographic where there are billions of them that they look so powdery and make the sky glow, with the lights they emit reflect on your skin. I want to see that type of sky, but I don't think I can, right here anyway, because of the city lights light polluting the sky.

I like it when there is a full moon because it really lights up the streets. The moonlight sometimes enters my room and illuminates the walls. Sometimes when I'm walking on streets, the surroundings get so lit, I wonder if it's the moon really giving off the light or if there's a lamp nearby. In the end, it actually was moonlight.

Seems that I've typed a lot. I'm just trying to distract my mind from stuff I don't want to think about, like how much I hate how the people around me are so dense and conceited, with no sense of understanding of other people's situation at all. They only think of themselves and what's best for only them. They don't realize that I'm not that stupid and I actually become more and more tolerant as time passes. I don't think I'll blow up anytime soon but I am slowly tearing myself up, slowly declining, slowly and gradually releasing whatever it is, slowly taking years from my existence.

Closing Time by Semisonic is a good song to end this post to. Man, I think I've been typing for about fifteen minutes or more.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Just the Bird and the Millipede

I lie on my bed, my head hurting a little,
I looked up, and see this little millipede
These guys are everywhere now
Maybe it's because of the frequent rains?
I don't know,
It seems they have invaded our home


Also, earlier this morning,
Or should I say this noon,
A bird flew in our house
Then hit the screen on our window
It flew in circles as it got confused
And kept hitting the screen
So I grabbed it
I read online that if a bird gets contact with a human,
Other birds will not go near it anymore
But whatever, I really wanted to hold a bird
Because I didn't ever got to
I remember one time when I was in elementary
These two high schoolers were walking outside our school building
There weren't many people anymore because it was aready dismissal
And these flock of birds flew towards them
And one of them caught one
And I was fckngly jealous or envious
Because thise days, I was bird hunting
Trying to catch one just to be able to hold one
Anyways, I showed it to my mom and my brother who were downstairs
I took a pic of it for remembrance

Mom, wanted to snip a part of its tail for remembrance and good luck
I didn't let her and I set it free
She got a little pissed

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Just Explaining Why It's Like This

People really don't believe me when I say I've never had a boyfriend since birth. Ugh. I even hate typing or saying that word. I don't even like talking about it. It's not that I'm so bitter about it. It's like, for me, an equivalent word for moist, only that I don't have any problems with the word moist, only with "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". Ugh. I said it again.

Not to brag— but to just make a point, I possess a lot of likeable characteristics. As one of my former teachers in high school said, I'm a package. Meaning, I already have it all. I already sound boastful and I already hate myself for it but it's true. I'm pretty, I'm smart, I can write, I can draw, I'm great at math, I'm kind, not to mention I'm proficient in a variety of musical instruments, I understand science, I have 20/20 vision, I am also a fast learner; the list could just go on. I know, I'm too full of myself, that's why I don't shout this out in public. I just make people tell me how great I am first by showing it to them, before I try to talk about it so I won't sound so arrogant.

I possess all of these qualities and people are wondering why— why I am still not in a relationship. Well, I just refuse to stoop to their level wherein they think being in a romantic relationship matters that much, as if you can't live without having one. I think only people who aren't capable of controlling their hormones and give in easily to what their amygdala makes them think what it wants them to think are the ones who undergo romantic relationships. Well, for those my age and younger anyway. Don't they realize it's just dopamine that they're feeling? Just nature's way to show that we need to procreate? I guess not because while they're busy dating, I'm busy watching educational shows and staying in school. Idk, I have a low EQ. I don't care for emotions. Heck, I don't like them. They just make progress slower. Don't get me wrong, I care for others, but not how they're emoting.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Just a Joke Variant

How do you tell if your professor is from UP (University of the Philippines)?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.

(A variant of "How can you tell if someone was vegan?" joke. With this one, only ones with UP profs can relate.)

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Just Some Responders

Here I thought no one was submitting their own thoughts in Google Forms from my Facebook page, Late Night Thoughts. It turned out gmail didn't notify me that there are people who did and every time I checked my gmail I failed to see it as I scroll through my e-mails.

Just Paying Fines

I couldn't take it. Today is the third and final day of the HM Olympics. I signed for the attendance once and went home. I'll just pay the fine for not being present. To stay there and be bored to death or be drained out isn't worth it. Screw everyone there.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Just Drained Out

I just got home and I can't believe the program hadn't ended even after I finished reading my book (Crown of Midnight, by the way). I'm starting to think if completing the attendance is worth it just to not pay the fine for not attending. Geez.

Just Attending HM Week

Here I am sitting in the gymnasium of our school to attend the second day of a three-day event that the Federal Organization of Hotel and Restaurant Management Officers (FOHRMS) officers organized for us Hospitality Management (HM) and Hotel, Restaurant, and Tourism Services (HRTS) students to attend. It's bad enough to make it compulsory but they had to fine us if we don't attend. They didn't think about the introverts who just hate going out and attending programs. These kind of people suck and are corrupted.

Thursday, February 09, 2017

Just Expressing

I just noticed that I keep talking to myself when I'm alone
Making small speeches even when no one's there
If somebody would walk in me, that person would think I'm crazy
Even I think I'm crazy
But these little speeches I make
They have great content
Or at least I think they have

Right now as I am typing all of this
People around me are gossiping about someone I know, but not that close
Something about a scandal
Something they think is a big deal
As if they don't have anything else more important to do
I just want to shout "SHUT UP" on the top of my lungs
Why are people like this

Thursday, February 02, 2017

Just a Sad Song

I just finished watching Rick and Morty and this song is making me sad. It's entitled Hurt by Nine Inch Nails.

Just Posting about a Dream I Don't Remember

Sometimes I remember my dreams and I want to write then down but I don't think I should write down the insignificant ones, should I? Like last night I dreamt of someone (maybe that was Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory) and some other people trying on sweaters, trying to match the outfits. I remember a color in one of their tries, which was green. Fast forward the dream ended with another scene like someone talking to me. I don't remember anymore because it's already 5 hours after I woke up. They say you forget most of your dreams 10 minutes after you wake up. Whatever.

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Just a Good Deed

It was raining moderately so I sprinted toward my house as I got off the jeepney. As I turned right, I saw a dog that fell in the canal. I stopped running and it was so poor. I picked it up from the canal and put it down on the street so it wouldn't die there. A girl and an older woman saw me pick it up. They said it got hit by a taxi. That explains how its hind legs seemed broken. They didn't know whose it was. It wasn't mine either. They said to just put it down on the side so it wouldn't get rained on. The older woman settled a piece of plywood over it. It was really pitiful to watch. The dog was shivering and injured and all. But hey, at least I did something, right? I didn't just go on running and leave that dog there in the canal to die.

Just WU (woke up)

I want to remember my dream but all I could remember was that we were in the JEEP lab and Lance was reporting. All he did was chant super super super super candace candace candace candace again and again until his report was over. My centipede toy fell in front of sir Jake and he smiled. He had a confused face with the report. I don't remember that much but I think he was mad. Angel had a handout of Lance's report and I asked where was the word "super" or "candace" there, why he kept repeating it. The words were there but they only appeared once, not repeatedly. After that I went to the back of the room and saw Margot there. We talked a little but then I noticed her skin was covered with stretchmarks. They were really dark and all over her body. They were on her legs, thighs, arms. It looked like she had skin snake. I don't remember what happened next but I think I woke up.