Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Just the Act of Flirting

I don't like people flirting. Not just with me, but the act of flirting in general. It's so fucking cringe-y. If they could just stop trying. I don't like talking about this.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Just Uploading This Here because I'm Deleting the App

A month ago, I was bored and I was browsing Google Play Store and found an app called Luna Diary.

I thought it was cute so I decided to give it a try. And if I don't like it, I could just delete it. After a month, I did delete it. lol

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Just Some Thoughts in Bulletform

  • Our dog gave birth.
  • This blog needs a new look.
  • Last night when I was half asleep, I dreamed of Cryaotic playing with friends. I remembered Minx was one of them in particular. Maybe it was because I watched/listened to his latest YouTube video where he played a jigsaw puzzle with CinnamonToast Ken.
  • Typing with your phone is not easier than typing with a real keyboard.
  • I don't know what to do with the future. Two days ago, I wrote on my bedroom wall, (I only write on my own walls. I don't vandalize properties that aren't mine.) "Every time I think of the future, I imagine myself dead, because I don't think I would make it that far." Like maybe if someone will ask me how I would see myself ten years from now, I would probably answer "dead". But you know, I won't really say that because that would inhibit more questions and make people uncomfortable.
  • I like puppies.
  • I really like not talking to people. Being inactive on Facebook makes it great. No human interactions, it's great.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Monday, March 20, 2017

Just What Have I Typed Here

I've got things to do and when I actually have the time to do them, I don't actually do them. lol. They're just chores and I don't like doing them. I prefer sleep over chores. Who doesn't, right? lol I think the rocky road ice cream that I ate yesterday still hasn't worn off until now. I'm not allowed to eat chocolate. But it's so damn good. I've been a lot of it lately. lol I've been acting extra weird like the weirdo that I am. Help. Minesweeper is the best game ever. Nothing is coherent. I'm still reading the Throne of Glass series and I just want to finish it but it's too long. I wish I could finish reading long books in just one day but I don't read that fast. I wonder how some people can read 400 words per minute and still understand what's happening in the book. Those people are geniuses. The English language is easy to learn but it's weird and has a lot of rules that makes it hard for non-English speakers to learn it. I feel extra type-y today. I want to type a lot. I don't have an idea on what to type tho. So. I'll just keep on typing until I run out of words because I feel like typing today, or should I say tonight, because it's currently 9:13 pm.

Another paragraph. Yaaay. This innocence is brilliant. I hope that it will stay. This moment is perfect. Please don't go away. I need you now. And I'll hold on to it. Don't let it pass you by. (Innocence, Avril Lavigne) (It's so beatiful. It makes you wanna cry.)

I don't know what I will feel if I backread this in the future. Maybe I'll cringe. Maybe I'll feel sad. Maybe I'll forget that I even wrote this. Maybe there won't be a future me that will be reading this because maybe I will be dead before I get to do it. I don't know, The possibilities are endless. Or is it really? Maybe it's limited. Who can say? I'm not that smart. I mean, my intelligence is above average, but certainly not superior. I mean my cockiness in a comedic way. People often seem to get offended by it. They can't tell what's meant to be a joke and what's meant to be serious. Maybe it's because I make it hard for them to tell. lol

It seems like I won't be running out of words to type any time soon. This is gonna be a long post. It won't be that long though. I'm sure people will just stop reading or skip some lines out of boredom, I don't even know if people even read this. lol I see few visitors, though. Pero hindi sila nagpaparamdam. At siguradong hindi na nila maiintindihan ang bahaging ito kasi ito'y Filipino at hindi Ingles. Pwes, mas pahihirapan ko sila sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat gamit ang diyalektong Cebuano. Mwahaha. Lisod siguro ni i-Google translate kay guba ang pagsalin nila. Dili sila kabalo. lol Problema na na nila. Ako ning blog. Ako ang magbuot kung unsa akong ibutang diri. The thing with speaking 3 dialects is that you can switch to any of them and you can have fun when monolingual people make those silly faces when they don't understand. lol

Man, I'm so bored. I'm typing this in the living room. I still have to fold my clothes which are in my room. It should have been folded last week but you know, I'm lazy. There are other more important things than just folding clothes, or cleaning my room, or the whole house, or doing the dishes, like sleeping. Sleep is important. It rejuvinates your soul. It helps you feel young and relaxed. Logan is dead. Crap. lol

Thanks for that special person who is able to read this far. I don't know why you don't have things to do other than reading this useless post. Lol The laptop is heating up. Insant hand-warmer. Or any part of your body-warmer. I know the radiation is not good for you but hey, at least you're warm.

Bah. So what. I'm not out of words to type here. I'm just tired. Always tired. I should stop. Okay. I will. In a while. I'm using a lot of periods now. Which is unnecessary. But who cares. Right? I'm now gonna type a lot of hahas. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I don't know how many that was but my left hand got tired. My right hand was tired too. It was tired of just sitting around there while my left hand was typing those lots of hahas. I've been typing for 20 minutes now. Meh. I've typed longer times. I don't think anyone is reading this. Or maybe someone will. I wouldn't know that person. But I'll say thanks to that person. Whoever you are. For being with me. Right here. Right now. Thanks for knowing all of this, you know. I'm tired. Not from typing. I'm just tired. I'm generally tired. I keep saying that I'm tired a lot these days. Or maybe not days. Months. Yeah. That seems right. I'm tired for months. I can't really say if I've been tired my whole life. It feels like that I have. I'm not saying that so I won't be declaring it. I'm tired. Not enough rest could make me stop from being tired. Sometimes when I laugh so hard my brain becomes a dick and questions my laughter, as if I'm not allowed to do it. It's like this. Outside: hahahahaha Inside: I wanna die. Crap. Haha. I'm okay. -I don't like that phrase.

I miss the rain. I know it just rained the other day (I can't actually remember when. Maybe it was yesterday. I don't know.) I just miss hearing the rain drops and the damp feeling. Showers on the roof. Ripples on the ground. Leaves bouncing up down. Leaves that fall because of the strong wind. Lightning shows. Booming thunders. Scared children. lol

Hnnghngh. I don't know what field I should stick to. I know it's not the hospitality business. The course I'm taking is not my field. I'm good at it. But I'm also good at other fields. It's only a matter of time before I should really choose one. Who says I should only stick to one? I could have multiple fields at the sane time. I should train my brain to handle stress more effectively, not letting it shut down on me for months. Like what happened two years ago. Haha. I don't wanna talk about it. It puts me in a mood. I don't like that mood.

Flowers are pretty, right? I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm stopping here.

Just Puh-lease

People keep asking me whether or not if I have a boyfriend. I can't even handle platonic relationships how much more romantic ones. They often get surprised or even won't believe me when I say that I never had one. Even saying it makes me cringe. Saying the b-friend word makes me wanna puke. Bah, I don't like talking about this.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Just Outdated

Do you ever wonder if a blogger of a depression site you follow might be already dead when he/she has not updated for a long time ?

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Just Insolent Forks

I don't get why people get mad at me if I don't help them cheat during exams. It's not my fault if they' didn't study. It's not my fault if they're stupid. It's not my fault if their head is filled with air and a bunch of things that doesn't even contribute to society. They don't even consider the fact that I won't have any benefits if I let them copy my answers. In fact, it puts me in a risk of getting caught, and make me end up failing the exam. The reason that they gave me was that it's what classmates do. So, what you're saying is, what I gain in helping you pass the test is developing a better classmate-relationship? Dude, that doesn't even make sense. You don't even help during times of distress. You just walk away when there is stuff to do. You just bring me down when I do not have business with you. And now, you're just going to get mad at me if I don't help you? What kind of overbearing narcissistic bastard are you? We are not even that close. You are an apathetic. You even made our team lose when you decided not to show up during the event that you were supposed to show up. You don't help me. You make up a lot of reasons that will somehow prevent your lazy ass from doing any work. I don't freaking like you. Get out of my damn crap and get your own crap together. Don't bring me into your shit when nothing is going your way. Not everything is handed to you on a silver platter. Son of a bitch you're lucky I wasn't able to think of this response while you were getting angry at me.

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

Just Another Dream that I was Dying

I had a dream again. I died again. Killed by a bomb. I tried to hold the hand of the one beside me who was shaking because we were gonna die together but he clenched his left hand so tight that I couldn't intertwine my fingers with him so I just cupped his fist. The bomb exploded and I saw the flames engulf us. My right ear went stuffy and then I woke up. I was lying in my right side. That explains my right ear being stuffy.

Just a Real-like Dream, Kind of Like a Vision, but Nah

It seemed all too real.

I just woke up from a nightmare. Everything felt like it was real. But it wasn't. None of those were real. I am saying this over and over again just to make sure. The moment I woke up my feet were cold. I tried to wake up but I couldn't but now I am. I tried to pinch myself in the dream, I tried to feel pain to know if what was happening was actually real. I started to believe that it was. Thank God I am awake now. I have been only asleep for two and a half hours. It seemed like an eternity has already passed in that dream.

It didn't start with the earthquake. Something else happened before that. Oh shit I'm already starting to forget. I do know that it already started becoming a nightmare when rhe earth shook. Being the nerd that I am, I know tsunamis could happen during earthquakes so my subconscious made a sea appear in the dream so I could check if the sea level changed and if there was a tsunami forming. And there was. (dammit, I should've realized it was a dream by then) So I yelled that we have to get to higher ground but the blue wave was already high so I tried to swim. It's surprising because I don't even know to swim. I reached our house. I don't know if we were running together but my brother was there, my mom too. My memory's kinda blurry now but what I remember that happened is that the water reached our house and it floated and I searched for my stuff but I couldn't find it and then our dogs came toward me looking all scared so I touched them. I asked my brother that if all of this was real and he said yes and I was really in disbeloef that it actually was real. I started to believe that it was real. I started to accept that we were gonna die. I know that I woke up when my mom started talking. She was about to talk about something embarassing, something about her talking to a man who knew me, and she said that that man said that I told him to prove his intelligence to me, like I was being arrogant for being bright, a smartass, if you may. That is when I cut her off and I woke up.

Okay so I'm starting tp get bits now of what happened before the tsunami.
I remember school... Science... Formal uniforms like rolled sleeves...
I remember there were boys... I don't know that much anymore. I'm forgetting.

Maybe this is what I get for watching too many poetry videos in one sitting. Not really good for the heart. Charles and Logan are dead. Sorry for the spoilers.
I ain't gonna proofread anymore because I wanna go back to sleep.

Sunday, March 05, 2017

Just Schizo

Schizophrenia is like trying to put some pants and you feel like there is something crawling between your legs, like a centipede or something, when there isn't really there and that it's just the rough cloth you are feeling but you feel like there really is trying to crawl on your legs and you are afraid of that and fuck you are already feeling something crawling on your arm now and you rub your arms to see if there is really something but there isn't but you really feel there really is something and you look at your arms and there really isn't anything on there and now you are confused and wonder what is happening and you get a lot of these thoughts that makes a lot of sense to you but not really with other people and the thoughts just keep on coming and you're not even high, you're just fucking schizophrenic and it sucks that you don't realize you are, only when you've taken certain amount of antipsychotics do you realize that what they are making you take is actually are antipsychotic drugs and you have been schizophrenic for 6 months.

Just Indifference

Things will work out on their own in the end even if you don't worry about them
You will realize as you look back to your past that you were so silly for even being so problematic of the littlest things
It really feels nice when you don't care
It is awesome when you are indifferent
Finally back to being awesome and cool

Thursday, March 02, 2017

Just Don't Read

Hey, you
I know you won't be reading this, you don't know this blog exists
You don't know this is about you
But I want you to know this
I am also scared of you knowing this
So it's good that you won't be knowing this
Because I am terrified  of saying this to you personally
I'll just keep this here
as a collection
of things I want to say to you but couldn't

I want to say
That I think about you a lot
That's just it
I think about you more than I think about other people
It's not that I have feelings
I am not that kind of person
I am a person in which people would say in my language as "manhid"

I know when I like a person
And this is not it
I know it isn't
I am sure
I don't like you that way
I don't like you romantically
Or sexually
Or what else would you like to call it
You just make me remember your face,
the things you do,
the music you listen to,
the instruments you could play,
the things you asked and said and did to me,
And I know you who is reading this would say that I need to stop fooling myself and just admit that I like this person I'm talking about
But I am telling you,
I know when I like someone
and I don't like this person
I don't love this person
I don't love you

You sure do have the ability to make me write a long piece about you
You're not even doing anything
You just made me do it
Maybe telepathically
I'm sure I'll cringe when I read this in the future
I'm sorry, future me, that your past self wrote something that is so pathetic that it makes you sad
I'm just thinking about this guy for I don't know, maybe every day for about one and a half years
I'll just go back talking to you
You, the guy
I sure do miss you
Maybe that's it
I miss you
and I missed the opportunity to hang out more because I did not fucking enroll that one semester
Because of particular reasons
So yeah
I wish I could stop thinking about you
It's like an involuntary action now

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Just MCR Lullabies

Nothing compares with Gerard Way singing you to sleep.

Just Night Reading

I'm a little feverish and I couldn't sleep so I decided to utilize my time by learning Japanese instead of just staring at the ceiling wondering how we all came to existence.

I'm a fast learner so I've already reached lesson 11 in just a few hours. Since I've memorized hiragana and katakana when I was bored in the past, I tried to read the words with them instead of romaji. I've also watched a lot of anime and I could really use what I have learned tonight.

My face hurts. I used the nasal douche earlier and was relieved for a few moments. It's been three days since I became sick and I still haven't taken any medicine or told my mom that I'm sick. Lol