Thursday, March 02, 2017

Just Don't Read

Hey, you
I know you won't be reading this, you don't know this blog exists
You don't know this is about you
But I want you to know this
I am also scared of you knowing this
So it's good that you won't be knowing this
Because I am terrified  of saying this to you personally
I'll just keep this here
as a collection
of things I want to say to you but couldn't

I want to say
That I think about you a lot
That's just it
I think about you more than I think about other people
It's not that I have feelings
I am not that kind of person
I am a person in which people would say in my language as "manhid"

I know when I like a person
And this is not it
I know it isn't
I am sure
I don't like you that way
I don't like you romantically
Or sexually
Or what else would you like to call it
You just make me remember your face,
the things you do,
the music you listen to,
the instruments you could play,
the things you asked and said and did to me,
And I know you who is reading this would say that I need to stop fooling myself and just admit that I like this person I'm talking about
But I am telling you,
I know when I like someone
and I don't like this person
I don't love this person
I don't love you

You sure do have the ability to make me write a long piece about you
You're not even doing anything
You just made me do it
Maybe telepathically
I'm sure I'll cringe when I read this in the future
I'm sorry, future me, that your past self wrote something that is so pathetic that it makes you sad
I'm just thinking about this guy for I don't know, maybe every day for about one and a half years
I'll just go back talking to you
You, the guy
I sure do miss you
Maybe that's it
I miss you
and I missed the opportunity to hang out more because I did not fucking enroll that one semester
Because of particular reasons
So yeah
I wish I could stop thinking about you
It's like an involuntary action now

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