Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Just a Tale of Two Kitties

January 29, 2017

I walked home from school. I liked walking home from school nowadays, even though it takes about an hour. It's good for the health, and it saves money. I had always had bad experiences in adopting abandoned kittens. The last time I did, it died, and I didn't want to do it again. I sometimes encounter abandoned kittens on the walk home. I pick them up and take them with me. They end up dying most of the time. They end up being too young. I wonder why humans just throw away baby animals like that. They don't deserve it. I didn't really want to take any kittens home again even though I want to take care of them. I just don't know how.

Anyways, I was walking home from school at night. I was 5 minutes away from home when these two kittens met me by the highway.

First time I saw them
Back: Bonnie Front: Clyde
They looked enough to be able to eat, not just breastfed. A lot of bargaining was really happening in mind. an example was that if they follow me then I will adopt them. Something like that. Really, lots of bargains. As I continued walking home, Clyde kept following me, while Bonnie stayed behind. (I didn't name them at the time, by the way.) Another one of the mental deals I made with myself was, "I'll carry Bonnie, and if Clyde can follow me until I reach home, I will adopt them. So Bonnie, your fate lies on Clyde's hands, or maybe paws." Really, Clyde has more survival skills than Bonnie. Anyway, I carried Bonnie and Clyde kept following me, until I passed by two people who were loitering around and saw the business going on. The picture was like this, I was carrying Bonnie, and Clyde was following behind me. The girl saw that and pointed out that there was another kitten left behond and picked her up and gave her to me. I then thought, "This seals the deal, then. You were literally given to me. I can't say no to that." That's when I named them Bonnie and Clyde.

I got home and went to my bedroom. I thought I didn't want to keep them anymore, because I didn't have time to feed them, and I don't want dead kitties. I took a shoe box, placed them there, put two holes in it where their heads can pop out (you should've seen it it was so cute. Sorry, no pic.) and decided to put them back where I got them. My mom saw me heading out with them and asked what it was that I was holding. I showed them to her. She wants to keep them. So, the kittens are hers now and I am not responsible for them anymore. It's great. We keep them.

May 31, 2017

I did not upload the first pic before because I wanted to upload at a right moment, where it can show a comparison of their times before and after, like the first time I saw Bonnie and Clyde, and Bonnie and Clyde now. But I couldn't do that anymore. Bonnie died today. Her chances of survival were slim anyway. It was obvious the first time I saw them. She doesn't meow that loud and she's smaller than Clyde. All I have are two pictures of them together. She was perfectly healthy this morning, something must have happened. Anyway, rest in peace, Bonnie.

Last picture I have of them together
Left: Bonnie Right: Clyde

I thought it was our dog, Ichiro, who needed saving, for he hasn't eaten in days. He has cough, you see. But little did we know it was Bonnie who needed attention.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Just a Tower



















Ever stared at those blinking towers and started counting
the times the light blinked? I lost count at 28.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Monday, May 22, 2017

Just Drawin'


Just Set Myself Free

I figured out a way to stop thinking about you in a way that I don't like. I really hate feelings. It's an unintelligent thing. You can't make major decisions based on your emotions. You have to settle things objectively. And as an indifferent bastard that I am, I have found out how to stop this madness.

Everytime I will start to think about you, I will just subvert my thoughts to a bad memory linked to you. That way, I could control my hormones and I could stop feeling butterflies because I really hate feeling butterflies— it feels like an upcoming panic attack and I hate it. Now I am sure that I don't love you and this fucking infatuation can finally end. It's been a heck of a trip. Finally.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Just a 515-word Book I Wrote out of Boredom

I don’t know how to open a book. So I’ll just write that I don’t know how to write a book.
Hello there. I’m the author of this book. I’ll be the one narrating. The characters will be entirely fictional, or will they? Anyways, it’s up to you. I strongly suggest that you think that they are entirely fictional.

As I said, I am the author. My characters, my plot, my rules. Your only job is to read. You don’t need to analyze anything. I like to put the introductions at the last part. This is the last part. My name is Chandler Tang, a writer.

The title of this book is not yet decided at this part. I like to make the titles in the end part so I could make a great one. Please be patient with me. Thanks.

After all we’ve been through
All I just want to do
Is to sit tight in this chair
And just relax

Chapter 1

He went outside to get some fresh air. It was getting stuffy inside. It was unbearable. Charlie always wondered why the weather was like that. He never intended to be born in this country, where it’s always hot, even at night. Unlike your world, this world gives you the choice whether you want to be born or not. You get to choose your birthday, your birthplace, your name. You already had consciousness at pre-birth, which is awesome, unlike your world where your parents decide to have kids without their children’s consent in the first place.

Charlie wants to smoke. He decided not to. He’s not a smoker. He attempted to smoke once in his life. He was only able to inhale a quarter of the cigarette. He expected he would cough when he first smoked, but he didn’t. His first time was underwhelming.

Out through the door comes Michaela. She, too, couldn’t bear the heat. Charlie looked at her physique and compared it to his. Judging by her slim figure to his lanky body, he concluded that they were the same age, as it is supposed to be. They both had black hair and fair skin. They also have similar almond-shaped eyes. One could mistake them for siblings when in reality, they are not.

I, myself, thought they were siblings. They were too alike. Given that they could have chosen a face that does not resemble the other, they did. How could this even be? Even I, as the author, am confused with these characters. How would I unravel this story line?

Anyway, Michaela approached Charlie. She decided to have a small talk with him. She knows small talks would torture Charlie. Given by her demonic personality, she would love to torture him some more. Charlie somehow knows what Michaela is going to do. So he ran outside the gate, even though the air is still humid.

Fuck, I’m out of ideas.

Okay, this is the end of the book. This is the author, Chandler Tang, signing out. I almost forgot the title. Okay, it’s called the world of Charlie and Michaela.


End.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Just Sent a Card

It's my homie's birthday today and last week I sent her a card. I sent it last week because the in charge said my letters get delivered the next week so yeah. I hope she gets it by now because I'm not sending her a message and I'm still inactive on fb. This is basically what I put in the card:




Yeah... So that.

Okay, I set up a reminder last month in my phone's calendar that today's her birthday. I actually did not need it anymore and I forgot to disable it. When it alarmed, it popped up and said that I need to give her a blessing, that even the most intimate relationships need careful maintenance. I didn't know my phone could give such real talk. I'm shook.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Just Trying to be Poetic. Lol

More

I need more of it
Give me more
What you are giving is not enough
It will never be enough
Give me more of it

Give me your money
All of it
All of your money is not enough
Give me more money
I demand more

The greater the amount, the better
Even if it's at the limit, I need more of it
Even if it's already the best, it's not enough
My greed, my gluttony
They're never satisfied

I'm not selfish
I'm not wrong
I'm not content
I need more
Just like the rest of you

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Just Had a Little Drink

When I look at my breasts, I am reminded of the medication I took for my condition. Before the meds, they weren't this big.

It was 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I never really heard them say those exact words, because I was lost in my own reality, in my world of delusions and fears and paranoia. I just figured by actually reading the descriptions from the medicine I was taking. I thought they were placebos ffs. I thought they were tablets that don't actually have effect, that I wasn't really sick, that the doctor was just experimenting on me if I could cure myself by willpower. I didn't tell anyone of this line of thinking. I would have told them, but it was hard to explain. I did not know that I was really crazy.

So yeah it was when I actually read the label that I realized that they were really real meds. I got fat. I think I remember that I took them by schedule. There was one drug that I have to take one in the morning and one in the evening and another drug to take during noon. Err my head hurts from thinking all of this. I'll pause typing all of this now because I don't want to accidentally have a relapse. I used to want a relapse, but now I don't think it's a great idea.

Just One of Those Moments

Here's how lazy I am right now:

I'm sleepy, but my violin and music sheets are on the bed so I'll sleep on my chair.

*end*

Update:

I cleaned up my stuff and will be sleeping on the bed. The chair's really uncomfortable.

Tuesday, May 09, 2017

Just One of My Delusions

About three years ago, during the peak of my delusionary days, my messed up line of thinking made me believe that one's favorite band describes what they truly want or what they truly are. For example, my favorite band is My Chemical Romance. I believed that one day, I will find true love and it would be chemical. Like, you know, because love is just a chemical reaction in your brain. Something like that. Another example is my classmate with her favorite band was Incubus. At the time, really, I was at the peak of... Yeah. Let's not talk about that. Anyway, I thought being Incubus as her favorite band, I believed that she was being possessed by the devil. Not really possessed. Kind of like... Let me explain. The situation was like this, she wanted to go off on her own because she had family problems. She seemed always angry. She's not like that now, by the way. Or maybe it was just all in my head, like maybe my perception magnified things, like it looked bad, but maybe it really wasn't that bad. Err...
.
.
.
Maybe a different example. My other classmate's favorite band was Imagine Dragons. I believed that he imagines his own world. Maybe he will do drugs so he could imagine the dragons. I believed he was hallucinatory. During our freshman years, he jokingly made an imaginary friend named Janus. All that was for laughs, of course. But three years later, our senior year (2014), my impaired mind overthought all of the things happening around me, even overthought the situations years back, which added fuel to the fire of a delusion which made my brain hurt a lot and made me cry a lot for no reason and burst out in front of a lot of people outside the shrink's office... But that's a different story. Lol

Friday, May 05, 2017

Just Pardon My Language

Bugo man ni akong wisdom tooth oi bugo sa tanang bugo hastang buluka tang ina "wisdom" man unta ngano bulok man erset asa naman ang pangalan sa ngipon nga bugo man siya ngano hiwi man mutubo ngano sakit man mutubo ngano nabulok man aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaAAAAAAAA pakiibot na ani please waaaaaaahuhuhu atay sakita oooooi watdaef

Thursday, May 04, 2017

Just Dreaming

I had a long weird dream
I forgot most of it already
But as usual it's about me running away and getting chased

Monday, May 01, 2017

Just What Have I Done?

Was it something I said?
Or something I did?

Why'd you push me away?
All I did was...

...

...

...

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Just Rotten

I'm really bothered about my rotten wisdom tooth. It's now starting to stink. It smells literally like shit. I'm really bothered about it. Fvk.