Thursday, August 31, 2017

Just Rammbabbli Rambling Ramble

Last night I dreamed a lot of people jumping from a building, so many that they all piled up outside the window, kind of like a thousand people stacked with each other. It looked like a mass suicide. This may be because I watched Koe no Katachi yesterday, where the protagonist tried to jump from her apartment, but the other protagonist tried to pull her in and he fell instead. The building also looked like the o e in school. The dream may also be coming from what I typed yesterday.

My right eyelid keeps twitching. I've been drinking a lot of water. Maybe I shouldn't use the computer that much.

I need to go to the hotel to get a follow up on my ojt. I should have went last week. Fear always gets in the way.

I don't want to exist.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Just Typing on Whatever

What should I write about this time?

It seems like life does not ever run out of drama, not that there is one in mine. It's just that there is a lot out there, especially on social media. People seem to find or make ways to start one, like what I am doing now. I'm making a lot of drama about drama. Drama is supposed to be entertaining, captivating its audience, but when it is already in real life, it is too much.

We never run out of conflicts. Once we solve a problem, another one will soon arise, no matter what. I remember Jake the Dog's quote from Adventure Time that to live life, you need problems. If you get what you want the minute you want it, what's the point of living? I know that there really is a writer behind that quote but the credits went to an imaginary dog. Shame. Anyways, the quote is kind of right. It is also kind of wrong. If to live is to solve every problem we encounter, what kind of purpose is that? My perception is getting fucked up again with all these hormone imbalances. I had a migraine this afternoon. It started with a blind spot in my vision. Then it spread to the upper left of my view. I then got a headache after the zigzag blurriness went away. I Googled migraine and it was called aura.

It's gonna be September soon and it's gonna be the end of the year soon. I will be a year older and I will be an adult. I don't like the thought of it. I don't really seeing myself reaching 30 or at least I don't like thinking I could reach that age. I'm not really in the right mind saying this. I might be wrong. Maybe I could exceed being 30 years old. Maybe I would even outlive every one I know. Who knows, right?

I'm still nineteen. My cousin's death anniversary from the Roxas Bombing last year is this Saturday. I don't know what to say about that.

Maybe punk rock is not dead after all. No one said it died, but they are not as big as it was in the 2000s. I'm stuck in the music from that time. I recently heard of Neck Deep. They give me the pop punk vibes, the kind that I would listen to, the kind that would give me that feeling that I want to feel. I still want My Chemical Romance to come back, even when they are different now, especially Gerard.

One of the puppies is really annoying. They are 5 months old now. Three were given away. We have three pups left with us. I want this one annoying pup gone. She keeps jumping on us. She also has a sharp voice that really pierces through your ears. She fights with her sister all the time. Sure, she's cute when she's all peaceful. I just want her given away to a better owner.

I've gone far from the primary topic. I could really be that random. Lol. I'm still bothered by the antipsychotic drugs I took years ago, whether or not I had or still have schizophrenia or not. I don't want to talk anymore, not that I'm talking. Lol. 

Monday, August 28, 2017

Just My New Avatar 3

Since it's been a month when I've had my haircut, and my hair isn't brown and long anymore, I'm changing my avatar again. I did a quick sketch just now and I'm sticking with it. I'm too lazy to draw in my face's details. Lol

Not my avatar anymore

My avatar now

Just Do Not Bring Us, Please

My God,
If this is a test,

Then,

I will try to pass it
with flying colors

or

I will just continue
what I usually do
during tests,

which is to not care at all
and hope for the best

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Just Freaking Fines

I'm thinking a lot about the Php 2400 that's gonna be fined to me in the later months for not attending the 4-day intramurals. I've come to the conclusion that it's worth it. Not having classes or activities for four days is worth it. If I need to look at it at a different angle, vacation is to be paid. So yeah, whatever. The student council can be corrupt. But at least I'm well-rested for a couple of days. I'm paying for it.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Just Two for Two

Two nights in a row having nightmares. I was chloroformed, cut with a razor, chased, and judged. I got my phone stolen and I'm trying hard to remember what else happened. I was in the debate and I was the last one to talk. I was reading my speech and the crowd was wondering what was happening to me. I was reading it wrong and they asked me if I was okay. I said I wasn't and walked out. I ran and hid then I saw my high school math teacher for a brief moment while I was going away. There were a lot of beggars and some of them look like they want to hurt me. They did. That was some nightmare, I tell you.

Anyways, there was a change of plans regarding my friends birthday celebration today. Turns out, it won't be happening. I don't have to buy a gift anymore or at least go out of the house. That's good news for an introvert like me.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Just Dreaded Sleep

My dreams today were a series of nightmares. I wake up then fall asleep again to another nightmare. But more importantly, I need a lot of money. I haven't attended our intramurals and the fine will reach about Php 1800. Lol. I also want to buy a gift for my friend tomorrow. It was her birthday yesterday and we're gonna celebrate it tomorrow.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Just Being a Pro in My Dream

I had a dream that I was playing Dota with a joystick on my phone.

We were team mates with my sis then she left then my bro took over her, lent me a joystick so I could continue playing as Crystal Maiden. I woke up before we could finish the game.

I knew that I would dream about the game before I fell asleep. Lol.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Just a True Story

I was playing with a coin in the living room but then I dropped it and it rolled all the way to the dining room so now I am typing this instead of getting it.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Just No Activities

I did not do anything productive today.

Just Some Activities

I finished reading Dean Koontz' By the Light of the Moon. It took longer than I usually take. But what do I know? I used to be a book-hater, like I didn't think I could even read a single book in my life. Anyways, it wasn't really my genre. If you like adventure, sci-fi, and thriller, then you might like it.

We're gonna have our intramurals next week. I'm still contemplating if I should go, or I should just pay the fines and not go. Sometimes the fines are worth it. I hate activities. Plus, I don't have friends to share the experience with.

I'm going to start my on-the-job training soon. I hope I'll get my hours done early. I also hope to lose weight on the process, because it's gonna be tiring.

Our puppies keep peeing and pooping. It smells bad on the terrace. They're cute, though. Why do they have to be so cute?

Common conversations I had for the past two weeks was about my hair, why I cut it, it suits me, yadda yadda. I hope it dies next week. I hope no one is going to comment about it anymore. Lol.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Just Around Six Seconds

Yesterday, we had our Engish midterm exam.
You were positioned southeast of me.
Class hasn't started yet.
Our teacher was still making final seating arrangements.
Then you sat beside me,
to my right.
You don't deserve to be written about here.
Here, in this blog,
with you, as the second person.
You were staring at me since day 3, I think.
Don't you know it's normal for me to smile at strangers?
You talked to me.
You flirted.
I hate flirting.
I maintained eye contact.,
tried to memorize your eye color,
tried to win the staring contest,
tried to focus on your right eye,
your dark brown  eye,
around 6 seconds.
I break.
Don't talk to me anymore.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Just Our English Requirement

Y'know, I really much prefer working alone, even if it means the task is doubled. That's what I am doing right now for our requirement in English. Instead of working in a group of three, I am doing it alone. Each group was tasked to write twelve letters. There are 36 people in the class. Which means, we are evenly divided to three. The problem is, I don't know which group is lacking, because I don't know all of my classmates, in which because I am an irregular student.

I am pretty much okay with single-handedly writing twelve letters. But these letters are Customs-related assignments. Ma'am didn't really give me a break. She really thought that I would be working with a group. It's okay, though. I am that versatile.

I am on the fourth letter now. I don't worry that much because the deadline is on Thursday, three days from now. Most cool people would be working on it the day before, or even on the due date. Anyways, the task on the fourth letter is to inquire to a Brokerage about how the products are delivered on time and at what good cost. Dfq should I know what they do in brokerages. Heck, what in my-hospitality-management-shit-induced-goddamned-brain is a brokerage? Bah, I need a break.

I am starting to second guess in working this through alone. But hell, I have always been alone.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Friday, August 11, 2017

Just Insert Title Here

My body wants something
I tell it no
It craves for affection
I have contempt those
It is times like this
where everything is conflicted
The body wants what it wants
but my mind has the control over it
Body has never won
Because
I own it.
In a few days
it will punish me
with a bloodbath
for not giving it
what it wants.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Just When I Did Not Procrastinate, Something Like This Happens

Procrastinating is a bad thing, so I did not do it. But I could have avoided being exhausted if I actually did it this time. What a great timing.


Let me explain. We have this workshop which was originally supposed to be done by group. But yesterday, our teacher's buttons were pushed so she decided to assign us to write 5 letters individually to be passed later by midnight. I already made those letters before she sent the text stating that she changed her mind and it is back to being by group. I'm just on tilt right now. I spent around 5 hours making those letters. It could have been longer when I'm with my group, though. Who knows.

Tuesday, August 08, 2017

Just Felt the Pain

A nightmare woke me up just now. A guy kept cutting me with a razor. In the previous dreams I would see him save kids from a river. His modus was to push them in the river and save them so people would reward him with something to eat. I guess I was his next victim, the unlucky sap who happens to sit beside him in the jeep.

Monday, August 07, 2017

Sunday, August 06, 2017

Just Understand It If You Can. You Probably Won't because You're Not Me

When I ask a question with a "why", I do not mean the question in a literal sense.

Like,

"Why do we have to eat?"

The literal answers would be "so we would live" "to nourish ourselves" "for survival".

What I meant with the question is "Why must we have to eat? Why must it be that way? Why do we have to eat for survival?".

And I often get lost in these thoughts. I try to feel my consciousness as I close my eyes and think deeply.

Then I'm too conscious of my consciousness.

.

Before I was born, I had no consciousness.
I have one now.
But.
Do I really exist?

I close my eyes and feel my memories.
My experiences are so far away.
I try to feel my heartbeat in my head. Pulse, is more like it.

I close my eyes and open them as I type.
Yeah.

Why.

Wednesday, August 02, 2017

Just Dumb Luck

I was playing 4 pics 1 word just now and I was frustrated because I did not know the word so I typed FUCKR at first because of my frustration then normally, it would be wrong because fuckr is not a word and then I typed in a word that rhymed which is FROCK and little did I know, it was the right answer. Lol.